12.24.2006

HH Com 409

Just when popular, fifteen-year old Alyssa Jackson is starting to think she has it all, her life majorly goes to hell. She discovers she’s allergic to her boyfriend (literally), her mom becomes a couldn’t-care-less workaholic, and a boy named Carl Dominick reappears from her past-- threatening to bring down everything Alyssa has worked so hard for. So now she’s faced with a choice: does she let her popularity, friends, and reputation go, or does she find a way to stop one shaggy-haired, blue-eyed boy from revealing her humiliating past? Well, duh; even a girl like Alyssa can’t afford to let this secret get out. But in an elaborate attempt to get Carl expelled from school and out of her life for good, she finds herself falling for the very boy who-- quite possibly-- might ruin her life. TITLE is a young adult novel, complete at 45,000 words.


yup, this is energetic, and vivid. I think the idea is probably a tad last year but I'm going to read pages on something this sprightly.

17 comments:

jamiehall said...

I'm sure I've read this before. Has this appeared elsewhere?

Virginia Miss said...

This looks good.

What does Carl threaten her with, that will ruin her reputation -- does he want her to go out with him? If so, tell us that, so the choice makes more sense.

Cute voice, looks like something that would appeal to your target age group. Good luck.

A Paperback Writer said...

As a jr. high teacher, I read TONS of YA stuff. I hate to be negative, and I agree with Miss Snark that your writing is good, but I don't see anything in this plot that I haven't seen in at least 6 other YA novels this year. Based on your hook, I would probably put this one back on the library shelf (and hence never recommend it to my students).

skybluepinkrose said...

I have a feeling that the secret she doesn't want Carl to spill will make or break this. It needs to be something REALLY different.

Add iresistable characterization and voice, and this could work.

Anonymous said...

"majorly", "well Duh",

Wow, these Valley Girl-isms really stuck out.

This is fresh? is it even literate?

Anonymous said...

There weren't enough specifics for me.

Anonymous said...

Author here. Wow, I'm shocked that Miss Snark actually liked my query.

Jamie Hall, yes, this hook has appeared on AW. Maybe you've seen it there?

A Paperback Writer, thanks for your comments. I agree the plot is similar to many other YAs, but I'm hoping that if the writing is "different" enough I'll be OK. Also, I just wanted to say, you were the one who did the vampire-in-Junior-High hook, right? I LOVED that hook. Good luck with your project and your pages!

~ #409

jamiehall said...

Ah, AW. I was a bit afraid that maybe a paper shuffle had resulted in a duplicate hook. Thanks for telling me where I'd seen it before.

Anonymous said...

(Author again)

Of course if you don't like it, there's nothing I can say to make you want to read it.

I just wanted to add that I'm a fourteen-year old girl, and I know it seems like "valley speak," but these are real things that I really do hear kids my age say. So maybe it's not "fresh," but from my experiences, it's "real."

That said, of course everyone's opinions differ. I'm glad Miss Snark liked it, but I'm really not surprised that many others didn't. That's why it's so great that there are many different kinds of books out there.

~ #409

And, yes, I probably should add some more specifics.

jerico said...

There are so many books just like this on the market and a zillion more coming down the pike. It probably would sell and become a never-ending series, but it's not something I'd give a second glance.

LindaBudz said...

I liked it. And I'm even more impressed now that I know your age. Fourteen was the age at which I decided I couldn't write fiction ... took me 24 years to get back to it. Please, keep it up!

And what is AW? Don't tell me I've been missing out on another time-sucking Web site!

Angus Weeks said...

To the author,

Advice. If you really are fourteen, do not tell Miss Snark that if she has asked you for pages. Seriously. Last Crapometer, Miss Snark posted the submission for a person around your age. As I recall Miss Snark said she wouldn't do any commentary because she didn't want to discourage the writer due to her age.

This is not meant to imply anything about your writing, but is intended to help you get honest criticism since you obviously are keen to be here and some people won't critique someone of your age for fear of crushing you.

Anonymous said...

I like to think I'm pretty tough, but who knows. Lol. I've received some pretty harsh crits before, and so far I've been OK. Thanks for all the comments, guys.

~ 409

~Nancy said...

And what is AW? Don't tell me I've been missing out on another time-sucking Web site!

Linda,

AW = Absolute Write. Specifically, the Water Cooler (forums). There's a Share Your Work forum where people can have their stories critiqued (it's password protected).

~JerseyGirl

~Nancy said...

And what is AW? Don't tell me I've been missing out on another time-sucking Web site!

Linda,

AW = Absolute Write. Specifically, the Water Cooler (forums). There's a Share Your Work forum where people can have their stories critiqued (it's password protected).

~JerseyGirl

anon said...

This sounds an awful lot like #263.

Anonymous said...

Isn't 263 the one about the Spyglass?