Nyra escapes a life of drudgery on her native factory planet when she signs up for the
Space Service. Posted to an escort ship, the Captain assigns her to guard the leader of
the rebellion fighting the same bureaucracy that oppressed her home planet. Her job:
guard him until they drop him on a prison planet. When she loses the prisoner to rebels
posing as prison guards, she vows to find him and not let him get away a second time.
(your hook starts here)
Shunned as a failure for permitting the man's escape, she gets lousy assignments until an
opportunity arises. The Captain sends her to the rebels as a hostage to guarantee that
his ship stands down from a battle. Now, she has her chance to get back at the man who
ruined her reputation. Unless, of course, he can convince her to join the rebel cause.
Telling her secrets about her family she had never known, he convinces Nyra that her own
grandmother was the original leader of the rebels, murdered by the bureaucratic faction.
Nyra's family protected her by keeping the family history secret. Once she knows the
truth, she realizes she must turn traitor against the Space Service she loves even if it
places her remaining family at risk. Using her skill in the obscure martial art of Ffegga,
she joins her Sensei and the rebels in the final battle against the oppressor bureaucracy.
If you've been following these posts with any regularity you can see that this plot doesn't have anything fresh or new. You can write about space and aliens and conflicts and magic all you want but there has to be something compelling to get you out of the slush.