12.26.2006

HH Com 421

“Bundle of Joy: Jess’ Pregnancy Journal” is the diary of a sorority girl who gets pregnant during her sophomore year of college. When Jessica realizes she is pregnant she goes to a women’s clinic in search of an abortion but instead through a series of events decides to put the child up for adoption in hopes of making enough money to go to Europe over the summer with her sorority sisters that is if she can loose the baby weight fast enough because flabby tummies are so last season. After all girls who get good grades on their SATS donate their eggs to happy couples and make thousands, a whole baby has to be worth like twice that. Convinced by her therapist to keep a journal about her secret pregnancy, Jess details the experiences of her pregnancy and the adoption process as letters to her unborn child. To Jessica, the child growing in her womb initially is nothing more than an inconvenience and a potential pay day, but after time what started out as another one of her stupid mistakes turns out into the most rewarding experience in her shallow existence.

well, we all know that's not a hook.

I'm smelling "issue" book here and nothing makes me want to set something on fire faster than polemics.

11 comments:

Eileen said...

If she is thin (flab being last year)- how is she going to hide the pregnancy over the year?

Anonymous said...

More than a polemic, this reads to me like the author has something personal and angry going on towards college-age young women, reproductive choices aside. Nobody's ever going to want to read anything like this where the author is so obviously derogatory towards the main character and her entire peer group. The author needs to work out the anger and resentment first, then write.

(What the heck? The word verification wants me to enter a word with an umlaut now, and I'm using a standard US keyboard! Second try got something workable.)

aries said...

Even if she ultimately does redeem herself, Jessica appears to be so unlikeable at the beginning of the novel that a reader won't care to stick around to find out how it turns out. It's hard to identify or empathize with a girl who is basically selling her baby for a trip to Europe.

aries said...

Even if she ultimately does redeem herself, Jessica appears to be so unlikeable at the beginning of the novel that a reader won't care to stick around to find out how it turns out. It's hard to identify or empathize with a girl who is basically selling her baby for a trip to Europe.

Ski said...

Here's what I got from this post.

A young girl gets pregnant. She considers an abortion but decides to keep the baby. She heads out on an adventure, cuz maybe living an exciting life will help her through this whole "mess." During the "adventue" she learns a lot. She learns about growing up, responsibility, and most importantly - motherhood. She learns these thing from people she meets and experiences she lives through, some of which are good and some that are not. She chronicles these changes in letters to her unborn child. It is the plane Jane story of a girl growing into an adult/mother over the course of nine months.

If the story supports what you've led me to believe is in this "hook," then I can't tell you how much I'd like to read it. I also think you have a nice style. Lastly, I wish you good luck.

Rgds.........Ski

Anonymous said...

When Jessica realizes she is pregnant she goes to a women’s clinic in search of an abortion but instead through a series of events decides to put the child up for adoption in hopes of making enough money to go to Europe over the summer with her sorority sisters that is if she can loose the baby weight fast enough because flabby tummies are so last season.

Okay, first, this sentence is 67 words long, with no punctuation. Are there still people wondering what "writing not ready for representation" means?

Second, l-o-s-e is "lose", as in lose weight. L-o-o-s-e is loose, as in "he had a loose tooth". Please learn the difference.

And isn't selling babies illegal?

Either way. So basically, the book is about a sorority girl writing letters to the baby she doesn't want. Gee, what a fun read.

Kiki said...

I didn't much care for this hook in general, and the story in particular.
have you read Lauren Baratz-Logstedt's 'Thin Pink Line'? It's the exact opposite premise, but the character development sounds similar.

dana p said...

That second sentence is 67 words long!

But it was worth fighting my way to the end of it, to get to the payoff in the 3rd sentence: After all girls who get good grades on their SATS donate their eggs to happy couples and make thousands, a whole baby has to be worth like twice that. LOL -- can't fault that logic!

Unlike the anonymous above, I don't find Jessica unlikeable here -- I find her credible. This story *could* be really funny & unusual, but I can't quite tell from the hook where it's going. If it turns into one of those warm & gooey "it's so wonderful to be a reproducing female mammal" stories -- well, then I'd need my barf bag.

Anonymous said...

Oh, my god. Please, please learn punctuation and grammar before finishing a novel. Or at least before pitching it.

Commas, apostrophes, semicolons. They are important, whether you think so or not.

--An editor who assures you that most agents give a damn about good writing

Anonymous said...

Aside from the lack of punctuation and the utter contempt of the author for his/her character, the whole conceit just makes no sense. If the baby is nothing but an inconvenience, why is she writing letters to it?

(Just off to compose a letter to my leaking refrigerator...)

Anonymous said...

I don't think the author hates Jessica. I don't think the author hates soriority girls, or whatnot. but I do I think the premise is funny.

You have (what I assume is) this self-absorbed soriority girl whose entire life is about wearing the right clothes and partying. She gets pregnant. It's no suprise this puts a cramp in her partying ways or that she would consider abortion. Jessica is convinced otherwise, decides to have the baby adopted and starts keeping a journal.

Carrying a baby to term, even with the misconception that the only reason she's doing this is for her future ($$$ or whatnot), changes her. She goes on an adventure. She meets potential parents. whatever. This sounds really interesting regardless on long sentences and typos/errors in the hook.

It takes a really hard event to go through and a hot topic (adoption/abortion) and makes it funny. How seriously can the author take herself or the piece if she's using lines like "flabby tummies are so last season" and "labby tummies are so last season"?