12.26.2006

HH Com 437

When young, ambitious Isnar Turoc hires on as a bodyguard to Anastassia Delyn, a powerful and wealthy woman in control of seven planets, he envisions a life of luxury and diplomatic meetings. Instead he finds paranoia, blackmail, a boss that turns out to be a far better assassin than diplomat and behind it all an omnipotent, manipulative secret council that truly controls the universe.

Trust is a hard thing to come by when surrounded by killers - friends, enemies and lovers alike. Embracing life as an assassin Isnar struggles to keep a sliver of conscience and to abide by the trust he has with erratic, paranoid Anastassia who professes to love him.

“I’m not out to kill you.” He has said it a hundred times. But (here's where the fun starts) when Anastassia oversteps herself and falls from favor, the council places her planets in his hands with one request - eliminate the previous owner.

Isnar begins to seriously reconsider his words.


Ditch the backstory. Get to the good stuff.

"omnipotent, manipulative secret council that truly controls the universe" is also called nameless faceless evil and can't get girls even with a nice crisp twenty cause they are BORING.

4 comments:

A Paperback Writer said...

I rather like the idea. I hope you can make it work. Perhaps pull a nasty villain out of the nameless, faceless evil forces?

xiqay said...

I liked this. I liked Isnar's predicament.

Neither Isnar nor Anastassia are very developed as characters in this hook, but the plot situation is what hooks me.

Good luck.

Anonymous said...

:Tired editor winces and makes a note on the writer's submission to please read some Lois McMaster Bujold.:

Goblin said...

Hey! I like this a lot better than the version I saw on Elektra's CoM. Great improvement! :-)