12.26.2006

HH Com 445

When Rafael lands on US soil, all he carries are the guitar slung across his back, the rosary around his wrist, and the phone number of an uncle he knows only through pictures. Four months later, he's got a cousin who thinks she's in love with him, an uncle who blames him for that, and the chance of a lifetime, when what was supposed to be a two-week gig at union scale turns into a permanent place as lead guitarist in pop idol Spencer Duncan's backing band.

But Spencer has a secret that his PR team works hard to keep from the girls screaming his name at sold-out concerts, and those on the inside are quick to assume it wasn't Rafael's talent that won him a place in the band.

Music, freedom, caviar for breakfast in five-star hotel rooms--there's an undertow to the life Spencer offers, with its pull stronger than the current breaking off the rocky Havana shores where Rafael swam as a boy, his eyes fixed on the northern horizon.

Rafael soon learns that leaving Cuba was the easy part: with freedom comes choices, and the distance between Miami and Havana, fame and contentment, might be wider than an ocean.


He's a Cuban rock star? then what?
You've got the backstory and a description of the hero.
You need three more things: conflict, adversary, motivation.
You need to be specific: with freedom comes choices is a platitude not a description.

5 comments:

xiqay said...

This is foreign boy comes to America and is offered the golden gate dream, with the price of a gay relationship.

It's trite and boring (and probably too true).

Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Yeah. That first morning, after the initial batch of hooks were posted, I knew I was in trouble with this. I expected much worse, so I'm happy. This crapometer was a good learning experience, MS, and I hope you know how much I--we all--appreciate it.

December Quinn said...

Actually, I'd read this one for sentimental reasons of my own--I knew a lead-guitar-playing Rafael (Peruvian, not Cuban) very well, and lived in Miami for 12 years, so now I'm not there this stuff interests me.

The characters and setting, in other words, interest me. Now you just need more conflict in there!

Anonymous said...

Mmm... I think the conflict will work out :) But I'm prejudiced probably, because I've read more of it.

Anonymous said...

Spencer Duncan is gay or really a woman. Or both.

That won't matter to screaming fans of any gender or preference.