HH Com 447

Two years ago they stole her memories. Now they want her life but Emily Gallows is sick of living in fear. Armed with kick-boxing lessons and a take-no-prisoners attitude, she relocates to the picturesque town of Eavanbaugh, Ireland. She has a score to settle. Her new landlord, security consultant Quinn O' Reilly, is going to help her do it; he just doesn't know it.

Quinn is a reluctant hero haunted by a few unvanquished demons of his own. When an in-depth background check on his new tenant reveals frightening discrepancies, he is surprised to find he wants to shield Emily as much as he wants the truth. Protecting the fiercely independent Emily, however, is easier said than done.

Emily and Quinn form an uneasy alliance in a race to uncover her past and the three men who want to profit from her death. The shocking truth may not save them from a killer disguised as someone they've grown to trust.

This is all set up. You've given us the good guys. Now let's see the rest. And "shocking truth" is on my list of phrases I never hope to see or hear again in a query letter.


batgirl said...

A little reminiscent of the Shakespeare series by Charlaine Harris, which has a kick-ass former-beauty-queen heroine recovering from a brutal assault and rape. Could be interesting, especially if you make good use of the Irish setting, but the hook is using cliches as shorthand, and that risks the story looking cliched.

I Said said...

"Shocking truth" is bad, but personally I'm sick of "shattered life" which fortunately isn't in this hook.

I think there may be a decent story here but the hook needs to give a few details. Without them, it just sounds like hype.

Inez said...

This grabs my interest, and I would read on, but I'd want a clue about Emily's past, the three men and how they would profit, as well as the usual alphabet soup (XYZ et al).

Anonymous said...

Why does an intelligent, fiercely independant, kick boxer need a man to protect her? Just asking.