HH Com 452

In a house in Raleigh, North Carolina there is a long corridor lined with doors. When these doors are opened and closed in specific patterns they open portals to other worlds. Recently heartbroken Isabelle Caldecott Rose has inherited this house from her grandmother. Poor, distraught Isabelle knows nothing of the house's secrets.

Xeratis is a demon exiled on earth for challenging Lucifer's rule. Stripped of most of his power he searches desperately for a way home. Now that the house's guardian is deceased, Xeratis plans to use the hall to open a portal to Hell and make his triumphant return.

Celia is a ghost trapped within the house. She needs Isabelle's help to solve a century-old mystery and discover how she died. This will help Celia move on, but may wake something far darker and more evil imprisoned within the house.

Justin owns the local occult shop and was a friend to Isabelle's grandmother, Evelyn. Having missed Evelyn's funeral, he feels he owes her granddaughter a debt. Justin knows many of the house's secrets, if only Isabelle is willing to listen.

While adapting to the loss of her relationship and her new life, Isabelle must help Celia while thwarting Xeratis. Along the way she will learn secrets about her family's mysterious, magical past, the reason why the house was originally built, and the formless, malevolent creature trapped within.

Filled with magic and horror, Hall of Doors is a contemporary fantasy novel in the vein of Charles de Lint.

Pare down on the characters. Focus and be specific about one or two. A house can be a character as well as people.

And sign up for Trading Spaces. You might get to solve the problem with a well placed bit of sheetrock and a mouthful of nails.


Inkwolf said...

It sounds like it has potential to me! :)

writtenwyrdd said...

The idea could work, but the hook lacks a story. We see characters and a setting.

I like Charles de Lint, but his tales work both because he has the mythopoeic knack and fills his stories with glamour and pith; and also because his fictional city is a fully developed world.

If you can bring that to the table, I bet you have a nice career ahead of you.

Anonymous said...

"make his triumphant return"

After accomplishing what? Inventing polyester leisure suits?

Anonymous said...

I dunno other anonymous, I think after being thrown out of Hell a demon might celebrate if he managed to make it back in.

P.S. - You're not as clever as Miss S. Stop trying so hard.

Anonymous said...

Isabelle is described as "recently heartbroken", and "poor, distraught". Not a very enticing character. I gather she's more, so maybe better (or fewer) adjectives in your hook would help.

In general, this seems overwritten for a hook. I like adjectives and adverbs, too (more than agents, it seems), but if you can't lose the lists and lengthy descriptors in a 250-word hook, your writing might need a major edit before it's ready for publication.

(That said, it's nice, clean writing, unlike most of the entries. Watch out for missing commas; you need them after introductory phrases unless they're three or four words long.)