12.26.2006

HH Com 462

Mild-mannered Solomon Hathaway is still grieving over the death of his twin brother, for which he feels responsible. He just wants to be left alone to create new dyes for his uncle's tailoring shop. However, when a family heirloom goes missing, he must turn to his other uncle—an earl Solomon usually tries to avoid. The earl sends him to Lady Serena Ravenshaw, famous for her underworld connections and her acid tongue. Solomon is shocked to recognize Lady Serena as the same bedraggled prostitute to whom he once gave his entire quarterly allowance.

As Solomon struggles to understand Serena's past—which, much like his, left her straddling the two worlds of business and high society—she helps him realize that perhaps his own past isn't quite what he thought. But the pair must negotiate a treacherous world of crime and
espionage before they can learn to trust—and love—again.

Your first paragraph is set up.
Your second is unfocused generalized cliche.

Solomon Hathway meets Lady Serena and recognizes her as the former ho ho on the street corner. Then what? Be specific. And "treacherous world of crime and espionage" can only be used to describe Grandmother Snark's co-op board meetings, not novels.

4 comments:

BernardL said...

It's a charming hook. I would take a look at the first few pages in the book store. The story may be a little long in the tooth, but still entertaining.

MWT said...

It started out really well. The first paragraph was strong and clear.

The second paragraph needs to answer things like: What does Serena have to do with the family heirloom? What conflict between Serena and Solomon, and what outside obstacles, must they overcome in order to get it back?

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who thinks there might be a delightfully dry comic voice here? ......"As Solomon struggles to understand Serena's past—which, much like his, left her straddling the two worlds of business and high society"

If that was your intent, author, I salute you, and encourage you to reveal more of that voice in your next hook/query. If that was not your intent, perhaps you might want to swap out "straddling" for
j"juggling" or some such ledd-evocative word. But I really hope that was a deliberate nod to the Lady's past, 'cause I loved it.

alternatefish said...

my main question, as far as the hook is concerned, is about time period. tailor's shop, espionage, prostitutes, earls...could be 18th century, could be now.

Aside from that, it sounds intriguing enough that I would pick it up in a bookstore. I can't quite tell if it would maintain my interest.