HH Com 475


An accused murderer by age six, a lonely runaway on the road by eight, Conner Connley loses his youth over the next three decades to alcohol and mental illness. Misery collides with good fortune one night, however, after the homeless drifter performs an incredible act of heroism.

Unexpectedly catapulted into the national spotlight, Conner is befriended by an idealistic young journalist who convinces him to return to the hometown where all his troubles began. Only there can Conner discover the truth behind the lies that have condemned him unjustly for far too long.

This isn't specific enough to hook my interest.


Bonnie Shimko said...

This one hooked me (but what do I know). The "loses his youth" in a few decades doesn't seem right. We all do that - booze, hard life or not. I'd change the title to The Crooked Mile or something better. The way it is reads wrong to me. I like the idea!

Anonymous said...

Didn't I stay home from this movie?


Michele said...

The six-year-old accused of murder and then running away at eight seem the most interesting part. The drifter years until his heroism lost me.

If the story is about how he is forced to go back to his hometown, I suggest that you start the hook with his heroism (and mention what it is), and move the two sentences to where he's forced to go home. (In which case you are giving those as specifics instead of the general "troubles began.")

I'm really curious to find out how a six-year-old got accused of murder. Good luck making the whole hook exciting.

Heather said...

Conner Connley loses his youth over the next three decades to alcohol and mental illness.

Actually, it would seem that he loses his youth to age, if he's 36. 36 isn't a youth.

Anonymous said...

Okay this could be something good except I don't know the specific. It's like you left things out that only you know but, the reader (me) must guess.

In other words, your talking but, I don't know what your saying.


Anonymous said...

"An accused murderer by age six, a lonely runaway on the road by eight, Conner Connley loses his youth"

-- sounds like he lost his youth at 6, by 8 at the latest. He'd better have grown up fast if he wasn't going to turn into road kill.

Anonymous said...

I have trouble seeing how an eight year old survives on his own for any length of time without some sort of intervention or allegiance. Anyhow, how he is accused of murder at six and how he manages to survive as such a young runaway is more interesting than being catapulted into the public spotlight by a heroic act at 36. They really seem like two stories (unwanted celebrity reminds me of Who is John Doe, although it is a completely different story than yours). What's the statute of limitations on murder? I would think that the charge from when he was six would rear it's ugly head once again, notwithstanding his heroism, once he was catapulted to the public spotlight and might mar the glow of any heroism. You have a lot to piece together and make somewhat realistic here. Good luck.

batgirl said...

Can a 6-year-old be legally charged with murder? Isn't there an age limit on most major crimes, related to the concept of an age of reason and understanding of right and wrong? I'm pretty sure a 6 year old killer would not be considered a murderer.
That may not be relevant to the story, but it was a distracting enough question that I skimmed the rest of the hook, looking for some enlightening details instead of the story.

Anonymous said...

Hmm ... I think I find this too vague. Accused of murder at age 6? What, he threw a baby off a bridge? And on the run at age 8 - he'd be a lot worse than lonely, alone at that age in this world. Also, "losing his youth" over 30 years is a bit of an oxymoron - (did I spell that right?) - ANYbody will lose his youth by age 38.

The premise seems do-able: a disturbed homeless person who's been messed up since formative years, suddenly being caught up in the limelight due to an act of heroism. Given a lifetime on the streets, we know right away he's not going to react normally, so the potential for conflict is excellent. Idealist versus a 38 year old alchoholic mental case - much conflict. But you must focus a little tighter on what that conflict is. Who wants what, and what/who is stopping them from getting it.

Southern Writer said...

I recognize the author's work, and he'll probably be mad as hell at me for doing this, but I'm going to do it anyway. He is one of the most impressive undiscovered writers I've ever read. He can write pov like no one I've ever seen; when you read his stuff, you don't hear his voice, you hear each individual character's. You may not have liked his hook, but this guy is going to go far. I'll bet the farm on it. See for yourself:


Forgive me for the spam, Miss Snark, but seriously, this guy is good.