HH Com 499

When village maid Adrastea receives a proposal of marriage from Mor-Lath, the chthonic God of the Dark, what's a girl to do?

Say no, of course.

Neither Adrastea, who was raised a follower of the Light, nor her family understand why the Mor-Lath has singled her out. It can't be for a good reason, and they had best keep the proposal a secret lest the village turn against her.

Some things puzzle them. Why her? And why does he want her to accept of her own free choice, instead of taking her against her will, as they would expect the Dark God to do?

Mor-Lath continues to ask and Adrastea continues to resist. But things happen that increase the pressure: rumors that her mother's madness may also run in the daughter alienate her from the other villagers; the public revelation that a stranger in their midst is courting Adrastea ruins her chances of secrecy; and a few people Adrastea relied on to help her stay strong die suspicious deaths.

How far will the Dark God go to win his bride?

Why does he want her?
Is she rich? Really good in bed?
And why is she saying no? Gods of the Dark need love too.

Rethink the obvious, and give me something fresh and new here. You've got an energetic voice, and a good sense of humor but you need to write something I haven't seen since ohhh...Persephone was bat mitzvahed.


The Author Herself said...


That has got to be the best "No" I've heard in a long time!

stick and move said...

I think what the Insightful One is saying is, maybe some more specifics about the conflict. A reason for the drama. Motive, so to speak. At least that was what I felt was missing. I agree about your voice, I like it, and I'm sure your story conveys a compelling motive, so through it out there in the hook. Good luck with it!

shannon said...

I think it sounds interesting, but you've got so many rhetorical questions in there, I feel like I'm being fobbed off. You can easily reduce the first, ah, four paragraphs into one trim, tight paragraph.

Give me the juicy stuff!

Oh, and I was a bit confused over the Dark God's name, sometimes he's Mor-Lath, as in, that's his name, while other times he's "the Mor-Lath" as in, that's his title/rank/position.

the author herself said...

My main mistake was trying to write a hook for a single novel, when this is really the first novel in a trilogy. I should have written the hook to encompass the whole plot arc instead.

Le sigh. It's a case of me being a victim of contrary advice. Do you pitch one novel and hope to get the agent/editor interested in the rest, or do you pitch the whole trilogy?


Mor-Lath needs a willing wife because his big secret is that he's only a demi-god--a severe disadvantage. (True gods (like the God of the Light) are dual beings.)

Creation can't handle two gods at once and is hurtling towards a necessary conflict where both the God of the Light and the God of the Dark will have to battle it out. Only one winner will remain, the other is destroyed forever.

Mor-Lath has found his perfect wife, if only he can convince her to stop saying "No"...

Kit Whitfield said...

Hang on, I think you were right first time. The first book of the trilogy will need to be complete in itself, as it'll need to sell well as a stand-alone to justify the money spent on publishing the next two. You did the right thing sticking to talking about the first novel, though you might mention that you have two other books in the same series planned. The hook for the first one should stand up on its own.

If the story in the novel itself only works if you get to read the sequel, then that's going to be a problem for publishers that may keep the book from selling - the first story in a trilogy has to work as a solo piece. If that's not the case with yours, you might want to do some chopping and changing to make it more self-sufficient.

Janet Black said...

Even though the Dark Guy has a secret agenda (why he wants her) we, the readers, and the townfolk in the City of Light need something to 'suspect' his motives. I'd keep reading at this point, but with a judgemental attitude. What exactly does he 'really' want? What does she want? Who is her confidant? What do Mom and Dad want? etc.