HH Com 507

Diana Wells is an Elemental, a human with the power to control the four basic elements of nature: air, water, fire and earth. Unfortunately she is completely unaware of her potential. The power lies dormant inside her, as it has since birth, and only an ancient, violent ritual can awaken it.

Enter Diana’s blind date for the evening. He’s handsome, successful…magically-inclined, psychotic. Before she is halfway through her after-dinner drink, Diana’s got a butcher knife stuck between her ribs and raw power seeping from every pore.

Diana escapes into the magical, dangerous underbelly of Slip City, where the credo is: rule, be ruled, or get the hell out of town. She catches the attention of Dimitri Ebon, a local tyrant who “collects” supernatural beings, and the hunt is on. Diana must learn to control her power and fight dirty if she has any chance of eluding capture.

But just how scary is a guy who keeps his lair in the basement of a bowling alley? The answer, Diana finds, is very. The last Elemental Dimitri collected wound up dead.

I like this a lot.
It's not quite the zippy, energetic writing thata makes me leap up, clutch my heart and call for the contract file, but it's definately worth a read.


Virginia Miss said...

Ok, this is interesting. A lot of other hooks start out with a bang and then fizzle, but yours starts out only half awake before picking up steam. I love the bowling alley bit.

try starting your hook this way:

After Diana Wells' blind date sticks her in the ribs with a butcher knife, ...

Anonymous said...

I like the second paragraph a lot, and the whole thing kept me reading to the end. If I saw this in the bookstore, I would definitely open to the first page and start reading.

writtenwyrdd said...

I agree with virginia miss about the hook start.

This could be good. I think this sounds like a blast. The bowling alley office worked for me, too.

In the interest of seeing what the "otherworld" competition is writing, read Simon Green's Nightside books and Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman, or even Charles DeLint. Those are dark, yours isn't --which to me is the difference that makes yours sound marketable. I can't think of a single

writtenwyrdd said...

blogger! Hmph! Cut me off somehow.

As I was saying, I can't think of a single book that is a lighter take on an otherworld in an urban fantasy. That is, if I interpreted your blurb correctly.

Good luck!

roach said...

Oooh yeah, this sounds really interesting. And I third virginia miss's hook suggestion.

Anonymous said...



~Nancy said...

Can I fourth virginia miss's suggestion? ;-)

This sounded really good, Author!


Tulie said...

I like it too, very much, but...isn't this all "setup"?

Fuchsia Groan said...

I'm reading Sunshine by Robin McKinley right now, so I would say that yes, semi-comic urban fantasy-meets-chick-lit has been done. But maybe not done too extensively, and this does sound fun.

Is it really so bad to have two main characters' names start with the same letter? Can't say it would bother me unless the alliteration ballooned to encompass most of the cast.

Shouga Tea said...

Seriously; the bowling alley...but might I say?
I find bowling alleys darn bleak. And since most of them are basements...well the basement beneath sounds like the last place I'd want to be, predecessor corpse or no predecessor corpse.
Score again for the fantasy, despite blogger druthers! Good job... (I lost.)

Anonymous said...

Thanks to everyone for their feedback.