12.28.2006

HH Com 508

In a world based on an ancient astronomy, two gypsies appear at the court of the assumed king. When the two women—Amabel and Abellona—kidnap the king's only son, Arcturus, they have larger plans than magnanimously showing the sheltered, studious prince the world outside his palace walls, as they tell him. However, when Arcturus is stricken by an unexplained sickness, the women's plans are halted until he heals under the care of the pirate gypsies by the sea, and the careful attentions of a young man named Skath.

Like Mabel and Lona, Skath has his own secrets, and during his stay with the pirates Arcturus unravels a celestial history that links them all—through myths and tarot and bone casting: the antithesis of his structured, scientific life at court.

The time comes for Arcturus to return to court, not only proving to his father he is fit to rule, but also that he is capable of ending the feuds between his own kingdoms and the same pirates from whom he has just sought aid. In an attempt to make him stay, Skath tells Arcturus a secret, forcing Arcturus to decide between what he believes is probable and what he is willing to believe is possible, coming to terms with the fact that the two are rarely the same.

Start over. Focus on the main character. Tell us what happens to him. All the rest is set up.
And please, dear dog, can we have some letters other than A for names? Unless there is a reason to have all those A names it just looks goofy as hell.

6 comments:

Virginia Miss said...

I'm with Miss Snark -- you can't have three characters with names beginning with A. Just call them Mabel and Lona, instead of Amabel and Abellona. I had to read this twice to figure out that Lona and Abellona were the same.

Pirates and gypsies could be fun, but you need to juice up this hook.
Try shorter sentences.

Anonymous said...

Even if this was the best book in the world I would never, ever be able to tell Amabel from Abellona. I would suggest changing Abellona to just Bellona, but that sounds like Bologna and that's probably not where you want to go. Please, please change two of the three A-names.

Anonymous said...

Amabel
Abellona
Arcturus

I swear I'm gonna go freakin' postal on this point.

batgirl said...

Pirate gypsies! Please tell me there are dirigibles and zombies as well, because that would officially make it the Best Book Ever.

Anonymous said...

Is Pirate-Gypsies-by-the-Sea somewhere near Little Storping-in-the-Swuff?
mark

jeanne said...

How about Vega and Capella as names -- the other two brilliant stars that are often mentioned with Arcturus. Maybe for the gypsies?