HH Com 51

Marlowe Black fired a .45 caliper bullet through the chest of a murder victim’s husband as the man turned his own silenced pistol on Black’s son Hacker McKaybees when Hacker interrupted their confrontation in Black’s Soho office.

The dead man, Perry Reiser, had confronted Black to keep him from investigating his wife’s death since the alleged murderer, tried and convicted, sat in Attica where he would spend the rest of his natural life unless Black uncovered new evidence.

Black, after talking to the convict’s sister, concluded the near perfect evidence including DNA framed Reggie Jones for a murder he did not commit. He called it a gut feeling. Hacker called it insane.

Perry Reiser’s rash act strengthened Black’s opinion. However, Hacker was not inclined to agree to anything, particularly a case initiated by his otherwise estranged father, without conclusive evidence. However, the shooting made him reassess and he agreed to assist in the investigation.

How they learned the truth that would free Jones led them into the life of a woman who taught both men the meaning of unmerciful.

This is a synopsis. It sux.
Who is the main character?
Why will I care about what happens to him?

As you can see from previous posts "learning the truth" is the most over used cliche of the day.
I'm with Pontius Pilate on that one.
Cross it off your list of useful phrases.


Anonymous said...

Bullets come in calibers, or calibres for the Antipodean and British. Not 'calipers', those little measuring, pinchy-things.

I feel kinda bad pointing this out after Miss Snark so thoroughly put in the boot, er stilleto, but leaving a basic error like that in a crime query isn't doing you any favors, either.

Dave Fragments said...

Also, learn the use of commas and periods.
Your setneces are too long and convoluted.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'm with Dave. You might have a good idea, but it's not communicated well because your sentences are hard to follow.

Anonymous said...

FYI, "caliper" is a measuring tool, usually in the plural -- calipers, like scissors. While "caliber" is the diameter of a circular section, like the bore of a firearm.

Anonymous said...

Reminds me that I need new calipers, in order to get an inspection sticker this month...

Anonymous said...

I agree; the sentence structure was almost impossible to follow. And you can't afford to have the wrong word in the first sentence of a hook. I hope that was a spellchecker misread.

Loved the Pontius Pilate comment.