HH Com 535

THE SKELETON KEY is a 98,000 adult fantasy novel with a large dose of

An orphan. A street urchin. A miserable thief. Kirin might be all of these things, but that doesn’t stop him from believing he was meant to be Someone Important. So when he stumbles upon a magical key that can open any lock in the world, he’s convinced that destiny has found him at last – not to mention a whole pile of riches. But there is more than gold and jewels
behind the locked doors of Caras-leith, and when Kirin frees a notorious heretic from a secret prison, he sets off a chain of events that will lead to a rupture in the very fabric of the world. Now all that stands between the kingdom and absolute tyranny is a pair of thieves, a feckless prince, a bounty hunter, an architect, and an old man who can’t seem to stay awake.

This isn't specific enough to be a good hook. It's the start though. Start over.


Virginia Miss said...

Okay, I think blogger ate another one of my comments, so I'm re-posting. Apologies if this is duplicated.

I'd take a peek at this because I like the cast of characters and I enjoy reading books with a dose of humor.

blogless_troll said...

Lookit, this may have "a large dose of humour," but as soon as you point that out, it's automatically less funny. Let the humor speak for itself.

Bonnie Calhoun said...

The premise of a key that opens any door is the main theme of the new SciFi channel three-parter movie called Lost Room.

Anonymous said...

i used to envy you your job miss snark.

now i see, its like hell. with all these crazy people stalking you like dawn of the dead.

run while you still can


Luc2 said...

I actually liked this. The writer didn't use many words on the hook, but enough to grab my attention.

HawkOwl said...

I like this, but it might be a good idea to change the title, insofar that there is already a very tolerable, recent movie called exactly that.

I'd look at it.

535 author said...

my hook received verbatim the response I was expecting afterhaving read your critique of 534 others. I revised last week and it's much, much better -- shiny, sharp and primed for snaggage. Too bad you don't rep fantasy, or maybe you'd see it in a query one day soon.

Huge thanks!

writtenwyrdd said...

Sounds a lot like the "keys to the kingdom" series or that SciFi channel show someone else mentioned. I am not nay-saying your idea, but I don't see anything exciting and new here. I think you need to find that.

And we also need to see what problem the key causes. The posession of the key isn't the story, it is beginning of it.

Anonymous said...

I was hooked. Don't know what Snark's issue was. But I was hooked.

Miri said...

I almost picked up a book called Skeleton Key in the YA section a few weeks ago. What was the author...Anthony Horowitz?

I know you can't copyright titles, but it's something to be wary of.

J said...

Sounds like a great hook to my untrained ears.

I have one teeny tiny suggestion, change the last bit: "an old man who can’t seem to stay awake". It almost works for me, but an old man who can't stay awake is a bit of a cliche.

That's just me though. If other folks found it funny, ignore me.

Anonymous said...

I want potential readers to quickly find my book whenever they look for it. I do not want them to find a confusing assortment of competing books of the same title [especially not similar in plot!!!] or to have the book buried in a list of 23,000,000 unrelated things. Before choosing a title I always run the candidates through google, amazon, etc and make sure nothing else comes up. Nothing. Plus having a title that already graces other books/movies makes it look like you don't exactly have a wildly original idea. If I was you I would at least add another word to this title that distinguishes your project from all the other skeleton keys in the world.

Erin said...

At last, I can post a reply! Dog bless Firefox!

Thanks to all for your comments. Anyone interested in seeing the rewrite can pop over to my blog Let me know if you think it's better!

-535 author

ps. Blogless -- I agree. The intro sentence was never meant to be part of the hook, and reflects a misunderstanding on my part of the mechanics of the submission to MS.

Inkwolf said...

I think the rewritew has plently of zing, and I'd definitely read it!

Only (nit-picking) you might want to rework this sentence: "So when he stumbles upon a magical key that can open any lock in the world, he’s convinced that destiny has found him at last – not to mention a whole pile of riches."

It sounds like you mean Destiny found a whole pile of riches.