12.28.2006

HH Com 545

Not even the dragons heeded the goddess’ warning and it cost them their lives.

Mistaking Her warning for a threat, Davyl has done his utmost to protect those that he loves. In so doing, he imprisons Her and taps too deeply into the power of Es itself. Warped by energies he cannot control the Chief Druid breaks the veil between the world of the living and that of the dead.

A nomadic shaman is drawn unwillingly into the fray by the machinations of the faeries, desperate to save their land, and he joins Jayth in his search for the lost dragons. They soon come to realise that they must enlist the help of the dark god, Koto. They must be careful, for His agenda has always been destruction.

For Koto is the counterweight to light. Without Him, there cannot be balance.


This isn't a hook. Start with your main character. Use short sentences. Tell us the problem, and the dillemma. Focus.

1 comment:

Virginia Miss said...

The first two sentences are pretty clear, then we get to the Es, warped energies, Chief Druid, veil breaking, shaman, faeries, Jayth (??), lost dragons, and a dark god. Just too much to swallow in a few paragraphs.

I also got hung up on the name Davyl. Sounds like a decongestant or antihistamine.