12.28.2006

HH Com 548

Frank needs help. Seriously. Between his infatuation with his boss and his compulsion to kill, he’s heading for trouble.

A satisfying little killing spree in which he takes out both his mum and his psychiatrist in one happy day soon spirals out of control and he can’t help but feel that the terrorists he has fallen in with are doing it all wrong. They have such an impersonal style of killing.

Amateurs.

But then his boss tells him how much she loves him, the police vow to protect him from the crazy terrorists, and he discovers psychedelics.

Of course, just because Alice loves him doesn’t mean he stops wanting to sink his fingers into the soft flesh at the base of her throat. Some pleasures are worth the risk and the drugs just make it harder to know when to stop.

And as for the police? Well, they’ve got it coming. The terrorists’ plans only need a little tweaking to make them perfect.


This is a hook. And a damn good one.
Scary little sod ain't he?

28 comments:

Virginia Miss said...

Chilling.

This hook is very well written, although I don't think I'd read the novel. Just not my cup of tea.

Anonymous said...

Damn! When it's done right, it's done right.
A neat little talent you have author. Let us know when it's in the stores.


ucgtg-what you say when you need the Heimlich Maneuver

xiqay said...

Yes, this is scary.

No, I won't be reading it. (runs, screaming from room).

Good luck, author.

Anonymous said...

I've got a creep like this in my novel, only if I write this type of hook, it's misleading, because the main characters are the ones suffering at his hands and dealing with the aftermath...it was so tough getting into his head (and very chilling) that to make it seem like he's the MC...suppose it could work.

BernardL said...

Yea, scary little sod, but unless you enjoy the downfall of Western Civilization, I don't see anything upbeat in the hook to make me want to read this. 'And' I really like 'Dexter'.

I Said said...

Really really good.

Snitchcat said...

Ooh!

I'd happily read this. (^_^)

Anonymous said...

Wow.

No Really. Wow.

Bella Stander said...

Yes, perfectly chilling; great hook. I also would be too scared to read the book, though plenty of others would be only too happy to dive right in. Go for it!

Marcus T said...

Sounds a lot like the movie American Psycho, which I rather enjoyed. I always love getting inside the head of an evil individual. I guess I am just twisted that way.

Bonnie Calhoun said...

Wow...I bow to how chilling this author makes him sound, using so few words! Cudos!

Dave said...

The hero if the novel is (a) crazy, (b) a terrorist wannabee, (c) a serial killer, and hooked on hallucinatory drugs...

Can we make him a little less heroic?

YIKES!

Anonymous said...

Nasty. But where's the good guy? There's gotta be a good guy.

Yeah, good on ya, author.

Crystal Charee said...

This appeals to the aggressive side of my passive-aggressive nature. I like the overt and unapologetic violence of the character. It's stylized enough that I'm not freaked out. The hook was actually funny. I dug it.

Luc2 said...

I wouldn't read it for the world. I don't know why MS wouldn't read hook 527 (about drug trafficking), but would read about a killer on psychedelics...
It's interesting that many hooks which are accepted by MS don't fit the XYZ "template". Where's the conflict, who's the antagonist? But good writing trumps all, and this is just very, very good writing.
Congratulations.

Bernita said...

I ran screaming when I came to "spirals out of control."

Has to be one of the top ten query cliches.

Mark said...

Not only cliche but so Amercian Psycho.

skybluepinkrose said...

It's effective, I guess. But I agree that "spirals out of control" is a huge cliche, and the third sentence made me guffaw. He's heading for trouble? Ya think? There is nothing about this world or these people that would make me want to spend two seconds with them.

Anonymous said...

So psychotic killers are OK but an undercover narcotics agent is not?

dana p said...

Huh. I didn't find this the least bit credible or compelling. People actually found it chilling, scary... and good? *scratches head*

Congrats to the author, though -- it looks like you've got a lot of people eager to read more (or to hide under the covers, as the case may be).

Adrian said...

Yawn. Ho hum. Sounds cliche to me.

I was shocked to see Miss Snark liked it, and more surprised to see so many others chiming in here.

Haven't serial killers been done to death?

Anonymous said...

Gee, I don't know who's the protagonist or who's the antagonist. I don't know what the conflict is. I don't know what the pyscho's motivation is. So where's the XY and Z Miss Snark has been asking for?

Anonymous said...

I thought we hated mental illness as an excuse for violence? This violence in this book sounds totally gratuitous, gross, and boring. There's no nuance at all, no ambiguity, just a psycho who wants to kill everyone in sight. And why would his boss (and the police) fall in love with him?

Yes, American Psycho was great. However, I have a feeling BEE's hook looked nothing like this.

Anonymous said...

No. You'll get the pages and discover this dog won't bark

Divine Bird said...

Ugh, ugh, this is too much. I see how a lot of people could call the character 'fascinating', but I couldn't enjoy reading a book about a character I hate. And I already hate him from the description in the hook.

I don't think I'd even pick this up if I saw it in a bookstore, but I know at least two people in real life who would absolutely love it.

Author here said...

Hello, Author here :)
Thanks to those that liked it. Erm, should I take the negative comments as praise? I've certainly made my MC unpopular.
Just to answer a couple of points, though:
1 I've not read/watched American Psycho. My wife just briefly explained the plot to me and I think you'll find, assuming you ever read the complete ms that my book is not American Psycho in any sense other than that the MC is, well, psychotic!
2 My MC is more sociopathic, rather than all-out psychopathic! He's an intelligent, cold, calculating individual, and he may just try and track you down if you don't behave!!!
lol
Thanks for all the comments, though. It's good to get lots of feedback, good and bad. Looking forward to getting ripped to shreds with the requested pages!
Later :)

Anonymous said...

God, this didn't make me think of American Psycho at all. American Psycho is a very funny satire and I don't see any trace of humour here.

Anonymous said...

No interest in this as a novel. A short story, maybe.