12.28.2006

HH Com 555

"What are we, master?"
"What?" Gehan raised himself from his blankets, leaning on an elbow. He looked at me, shards of amusement in his eyes. The fire between us crackled sending up a fountain of sparks.
"What are we? Some say we are witnesses. Some say – shepherds. I say we are the future, an improved version of the human kind…"
…Only now, facing death after the long centuries of my life I finally understand what I am. I look at my life the way Dorian Gray looked at his picture, seeing everything I did, every choice I have made. I am but a shadow cast by the man I once was; a hollow shell that will leave nothing behind, not even a real name; a ghost of the man I used to be.

Well, this isn't a hook. I'm guessing it's a prologue or first page.
It doesn't entice me cause there's not enough here to hold my interest.

6 comments:

rudynostalgia said...

Not enough to hold your interest? "Shards of amusement in his eyes" has been holding my interest ever since I read it. I can't get it out of my mind --- sorta like that image of slidiing down a bannister and having it turn into a razor blade.

Wonderwood said...

I think the hook needs some specifics. What are the demons to face? What are the consequences of facing or not facing them? We've all got a past, what makes his unique or special?

Dave said...

This is the speech that a character gives before doing something to redeem his life.

"I'm going to die leaving nothing behind" is not a hook.

Anonymous said...

author:

rudynostalgia, thanks for the comment. at least it wasn't wtf. Asctually, after the 500 previous entries I thought it would either be pages or wtf. Back to the drawing board

Anonymous said...

As you know, Bob...

Anonymous said...

Oh, yes, I always talk like that to people before they have their coffee.