HH Com 556

In my YA historical manuscript NINEVEH,(your hook starts here--->) sixteen year old Nirari is thrust into palace life when mysterious heavenly signs bring her father to the throne. But when he attempts to appease the gods through human sacrifice Nirari must flee Nineveh to save her brother’s life. Despite her boycott of all things supernatural, Nirari’s journey is fraught with unsolicited divine intervention. At the city of Tyre a sea monster rises from the deep and spits a naked prophet onto the sand. Still covered with seaweed and bile he proclaims a message of doom, a cryptic riddle, and the unsettling demands of a foreign deity. Dare she obey and return to Nineveh? What will happen to her brother if she does? What will happen to her home if she doesn’t?

He ends up pitching for the Cubs?
oh wait, wrong hook.

You've got events. You're missing the bad guy, motivation and plot. Even at that, your batting average is better than ...well..never mind.


Miri said...

Is it just me, or does "historical manuscript" make it sound a little like something someone dug up from an archaeological site?

Aside from that, I like the idea, and it seems like a perfectly sound plot to me, but it would take really good writing to fly in today's market, from what I've seen.

Inkwolf said...

It was sounding interesting, then the seam monster spit the prophet at her, and you had me. :D I want to know more!

Twill said...

The Story of Jonah from the point of view of the "fish-slapping" Ninevites. Love it.

dana p said...

Hey, this sounds cool. I'd love to hear the story from this perspective. A touch I really like in the hook is: "Still covered with seaweed and bile..." It conveys a vivid, gritty realism.

A Paperback Writer said...

Yes, I agree with Twill. I was amused at an OT story stood on its head. I hope your Jonah is the indecisive prophet he always seems in the original story; he's so much more human than some of the others.

Anonymous said...

I love this idea and would grab this book off the shelf.