12.28.2006

HH Com 560

Twelve-year-old Ramie is looking for shelter from the dweeby ratness of middle school, but she is not ready to notice the clues. It is easier to slip through that personal secret Summertime Door, where she can make everything crazy stop. But it is not enough.

When the door to home on treeless Spruce Street locks behind her one raw November morning, even the heroic, hunky Xavier of Summertime abandons her to the stormy streets. Ramie is lost, biking across rainy mega-store parking lots, in search of that fateful solacing Chocolate Crème. The enigmatic silver card in her pocket won’t buy any chocolate, but it does offer clues to shelter. At the Dollarama, Ramie finds Spideyguy and her own face—but not the way back home.

As the day darkens, Ramie finds shelter from the wind in a homemade leanto under the Shelter Rocks pines. It takes the Spideyguy kid, and the frizzy-haired Drummin Willa, to show Ramie the way back inside to the Shelter Rock Café and to the real story behind the mysterious rock formation on the edge of town. For Ramie, finding the Shelter Rock Café uncovers relationships and connections—and a world of alternative possibilities, if Ramie will risk saying the unthinkable back in the treachery of middle school.

Ramie's not the only one who's lost here.
Start over. Focus.

5 comments:

Crystal Charee said...

This seems to be written in some sort of code that would only make sense if you've already read the book. Try translating it to something the layperson would understand.

On the upside, there's no lack of imagination here.

Dave said...

I'm guessing that this is all code words for "I need a coffee and Krispy Kreme" ...

This is cryptic.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like you've got an interesting story, but the way you present it is kind of confusing. Where's Summertime? Where does she get the silver card? What do you mean by 'Spideyguy and her own face'? Where are Shelter Rocks - in Summertime or in the real world? Who's Drummin Willa?

You need to make it clear who's who and what's where, or people won't be able to work out what's going on. The thing that's really missing is the storyline, and it's compounded by not knowing the significance of all the things you refer to. Ramie doesn't like middle school, that I understand, but after that, because I can't tell what relates to what, I just can't work out what the story is. It sounds like there may be a good one in there somewhere, so don't worry about being too obvious: make it nice and clear.

Angus Weeks said...

Actually, I think the hook form itself is pretty good in this, but I could be wrong, because, yeah, I have no idea really what's going on, either. I was assuming the main character has stepped into a world similar to ours but not exactly the same - or vice versa, someone from another world has stepped into ours - and can't get back.

Secretly, I'm extremely intrigued. I find your writing here evocative. But you need to do your weirdness justice by giving it a hook others can understand.

writtenwyrdd said...

Reading this reminds me of when you can almost distinguish a conversation in the neighboring motel room. I don't know what the heck you're trying to say, but it sounds interesting.

Perhaps rein back on the vague and mysterious tone and actually tell us what's going on. I assure you, that is far more interesting than impenetrable but cool-sounding prose.