12.29.2006

HH Com 561

Under cover of Christmas holiday, President-elect Julia Cosgrove jets to Costa Rica for a quick cosmetic tune-up before her historic inauguration. Just a little botox to the frown lines, a little collagen to the lips.…

But during the procedure, tremors from a volcanic eruption cause a slip of the syringe, and the soon-to-be Commander in Chief finds herself graced with an enormous right nostril. Doctors assure Cosgrove that the collagen will wear off in three to six months. Knowing she’d be unable to dodge the public eye for long, and with the inauguration just three weeks away, Cosgrove does what she always does when she’s in a bind: tosses the problem to political strategist and fubar-fixer extraordinaire, Stanfield Mercer. He announces Cosgrove’s intent to mark the dawn of this historic era with a personal tribute to the world’s women—starting now, and starting with the Women of Afghanistan.

America was ready for its first woman president. It was not ready for one in a burkha. Reaction ranges from outrage to ridicule to calls for impeachment on psychological grounds. The blogosphere erupts with cries of global, sinister plots. Leading the charge to uncover the President and the truth are three unlikely patriots with a nose for intrigue: an investigative blogger who runs an Alzheimers day-care center in her home, a slot machine saleswoman, and a jeweler who moonlights writing warning labels for cleaning products.
What they uncover is more than either Cosgrove or Mercer bargained for.


I was just thinking of the advantages to a burkha yesterday now that I'm draped in scarves like a gypsy just to leave the steam heat for a quick crawl to the bodega for Bustello.

I think this sounds hilarious. Comic political novels are harder to sell than haiku, but what the heck.

13 comments:

Luc2 said...

This is outrageous, but also very funny. I'm really curious.
Just a nitpicky comment; you have everything in present tense, and then "America was ready for its first woman president. It was not ready for one in a burkha".
Apart from that, great job

Rhonda Stapleton said...

LOLOL this sounds hilarious. I'd pick it up and read, definitely.

Anonymous said...

Oh this sounds halarious...

heather said...

agree, if i saw a book like this i'd definitely check it out!

J. Carson Black said...

Oh, man, I LOVE this! What a sick sense of humor! This is Carl Hiaasen country...only different. What could be better than that?

Bella Stander said...

I don't mean to be a party-pooper, but pragmatic me wonders why she goes to Costa Rica, of all places, for botox, when she could slip in the VIP door of a nearby Dr's office, or get the Dr to make a house call. Anyway, a president-elect would be too busy (and "patriotic") to leave the country between the election & inauguration. More plausible--& funnier--for the quake to be in Beverly Hills.

Also, why a burkha and not a veil over the lower half of her face, or claim that she was stung by exotic bees, or hit on the nose during the earthquake?

cm allison said...

Like Belle, I see some "off the wall" stretchs, but that said, if done right I could really enjoy this. Everyone needs a good fun book to lighten things up.

Virginia Miss said...

I love the burka, what a great idea for a novel!
But I agree with Bella that a trip to Costa Rica sounds like a stretch, so California would work as well.

You could shorten this even more by taking out the reference to Stanfield Mercer, just tell us that Cosgrove dons a burka as a statement of solidarity with the women of Afghanistan.

A Paperback Writer said...

Wow. This strikes me as very original. I'd want to read more.

Anonymous said...

Strange, but in a good way. Gets my nomination for "The Hook." Definitely left me with my jaw dropped, inexplicably wanting more.

xiqay said...

Author,
You had me laughing out loud. This is preposterous and funny. I'm all for it.

(And to compare to some of my other posts, where I complain about the implausible nature of the story--this one is preposterous, but not implausible in the silly universe of ridiculous politics. There's an internal logic to your story's set up that makes it all the funnier.)

Congratulations and Good luck.

author said...

Thank you all for your comments--especially the Carl Hiassen comparison, which has already been printed out and sent to Kinkos, where it awaits enlargement to mural size. (I'm redecorating the bedroom.)

And a big thank you to Miss Snark for not giving this a wtf.

Note to self: research exotic bees for deployment in Phase II of the coverup. A definite fit to what I've already got, and a fun one. Thanks Bella!

Anonymous said...

This is the first hook so far that I wish I'd written. You'd better hurry up and get it published before I steal your plot!