“What did you see in there?” Cole asked the rookie cop, Murphy, even though she recognized the vacant stare, blank expression, and isolation as signs of PTSD. Murphy slowly turned her head until their eyes met.
“The Devil has Come.” Murphy muttered over and over, “The Devil has Come.”
(your hook starts here)
FBI Agent A.J. Branson has been tracking the serial killer who he dubbed, The Keeper, for seven weeks, 35 young women spread out over 7 cities and 5 states, and he has no idea who he is. The only clues left at the scene are a dismembered body, semen, a poem and a large bloody hand print that has a large scar spanning across the entire hand.
Cole Saunders and Ben Hartgren are fist to investigate a bizarre murder involving a close friend. Her dismembered body is found in a desolate farm house. The only clues left at the scene is a missing right breast, in it’s place, a poem is left, and a bloody hand print left on the sheet.
As A.J. gets word his killer is in Minnesota, failure swims on the surface as yet another five women will die if he doesn’t stop him. As A.J., Ben, and Cole step into the shoes of a maniacal crazed psychopath and delve deep into each death poem, their worst fears are realized when they discover it’s not just one killer they seek, there are two.
The final confrontation occurs in a small country church where each must face their worst nightmare, alone and unprepared.
I can't begin to tell you how over over over serial killers I am. Dismembered bodies, poems, clues...blechhhh. It's been done to death (so to speak). I don't even read pages for these any more I'm so sick of them.
The reason I'm sick of them is that in most cases, the antagonist is must some sort of boring ass psychopath who's exacting revenge on his firstlove/mother/agent whatever. Booooring.
Give me some substance in the character, some kind of genuine motivation, a character who is genuinely frightening not just a cartoonish Jason/Freddy/ChainsawfromTexas.
And failure doesn't "swim to the surface" unless it's a shark who needs dental work.