12.29.2006

HH Com 567 -two people got this number

Sixteen-year-old Tabby Victrola is confused when her friend Dominic asks her to sneak into a man's apartment and steal a plastic bottle of kids' bubble-blowing solution. The question on Tabby's mind is why, but she goes through with the robbery anyway, thinking it'll be a
piece of cake. It is, with just one exception: Tabby panics when the sleeping man stirs, and she decides to hurl a bowling ball at his head.

Once safely back at home, Tabby tries to forget about her crime and starts blowing the bubbles from the bottle on her family members and best friend. Then she figures out why they were worth stealing--they give people instant midlife crises.

After Tabby's mother leaves for New York to join the Rockettes, her father buys a vintage VW van and jump-starts a macrobiotic diet, and her best friend Juliette ditches her for Kant and the tattoo parlor, Tabby is left feeling very alone, not to mention very pursued by local
law enforcement. Can Tabby evade the police for long enough to get some straight information out of Dominic, reverse the effects of the bubble solution, and reclaim life as usual?


Sometimes there's just nothing to be said.

20 comments:

takoda said...

I think Killer Yap secretly entered the crap-o-meter.

What is Miss Snark feeding you, you poor lil pup? Clearly, this entry from Killer Yap is a yelp for help.

Dave said...

My Father made his living (and financed my childhood) managing bowling alleys. If I learned one thing from that it was:

"you can't chuck a 16 pound bowling ball across a room even if you are Conan the Barbarian."

You may quote me. Sir Isaac Newton backs me up.

THis is a screamingly funny idea, but there is no plot, no bad guy, no peril... One might even say, it's merely a hot flash if one were mean, but I wouldn't say that.

~Nancy said...

Huh?

Sixteen-year-old Tabby Victrola is confused when her friend Dominic asks her to sneak into a man's apartment and steal a plastic bottle of kids' bubble-blowing solution. The question on Tabby's mind is why, but she goes through with the robbery anyway, thinking it'll be a
piece of cake.


Stealing a bubble-blowing solution? That's considered a robbery?

Tabby panics when the sleeping man stirs, and she decides to hurl a bowling ball at his head.

What..? Where did the bowling ball come from? Tabby just happened upon it in this guy's hallway?

Okay, something about blowing bubbles giving instant midlife crises...but...Tabby is then pursued by local law enforcement? For taking bubble-blowing solution? What, the guy who had this thing told the police all about it? And the police bought it?

Tell me this is a humor piece. Please. Because none of this makes any sense to me, unless it's a funny take on...something. (Midlife crises? Eccentric, weirdo inventors?)

I'd give some advice (which you could then take or ditch), but this is so confusing, I wouldn't know what to say.

Sorry, author, but I don't get it.

~JerseyGirl

Anonymous said...

Indeed, but it gets said anyway.

"Tabby--there's a call for you from Oprah's people..."

Anonymous said...

Don't hog all the good stuff you're smoking. Pass it around!

Anonymous said...

The bottle of magic bubbles is pretty goofy and far-fetched, and I don't understand her friend's motivation for wanting it or hers for agreeing to attempt the theft. But there's something about the central premise--a teen trying to come of age while surrounded by adults trying in vain to recapture their own youth and dreams--that resonates with me. There could be something there if you reined in the magical aspect and played up the human drama.

BernardL said...

This was very funny. Add a pet dragon or a talking dog, and I think it will sell.

I Said said...

The story may be there, may live up to an exciting adventure, but it appears to be so incredible and the "hook" doesn't do anything to overcome those feelings of doubt. It comes off sounding like a bad dream.

Jennifer Shirk said...

Well, this could be a cute idea, but I'm afraid I was a little confused too.

What's Tabby's motivation for helping her friend commit a crime?

How does her friend know about the bubble solution and why does she want it?

Is the guy they stole the bubble stuff from the villain?

delilah said...

The only question I have is: Which fraternity submitted this?

The Smallest Rossiter said...

With a talking dog, I'd read it. The way this is for me, it's somewhere between crazy but with serious aspects, and way over the top(which I actually like). You need to give the reader a better idea of what you're actually going for here.

A Paperback Writer said...

This reads like some of the stories my 8th-graders write. Sorry, but it's true. There's a lot of unconnected, unmotivated action and nothing else. Yup. 8th grade.

Twill said...

Okay, so who thinks the cops will be effective once she starts blowing bubbles at them?

writtenwyrdd said...

The big bubble with the question mark in it is bobbing above my head right now....

Bowling ball, midlife crises, and nothing really happening that involves the main character?

carlynarr said...

Point 1: Yes, Tabby did come upon the bowling ball in the hallway, or similarly, anyway. It was in the living room of the man's apartment. He's a bowler.

Point 2: Yes, this is supposed to be funny. And over-the-top.

All feedback is appreciated. Thanks.

MWT said...

I found this one highly amusing, actually.

I don't think you need a Bad Guy in the standard sense. The bubbles fill in nicely.

I don't think there needs to be any deep profundities about Coming of Age or whatnot either.

It's about some gal who finds some bubbles, doesn't know what they do, blows them on people, and mayhem ensues. The plot is then about fixing it. Sounded straightforward enough to me...

Author, do you watch shows like Dr. Who? You'd probably enjoy that.

Inkwolf said...

Just going to pipe up with something this reminds me of...

Before Snapple was a beverage being marketed between Rush Limbaugh rants, snapples were a fruit from Al Capp's Lil' Abner comic strip. The Snapple looked like a spotted apple, and grew in Slobbovia, where it was unappreciated. Eat a snapple, and Snap! You were 17 years old again, and too skinny to stay warm in freezing Slobbovian winters.

A bright and enterpreneurial Senator brought snapples home with him to the USA, where some people actually WANTED to be 17 again. Unfortunately, outside of their homeland, their only power was to make people behave as if they were 17. (This was the 60's, too. Just imagine the chaos as generals decided to Make Love Not War and the Vice President went out on a motorcycle in search of a love-in..)

Anyway, Al Capp made a fairly amusing tale out of everyone's desire to be part of the privileged age group. (Though there was really no plot to the story, just gags.)

In some ways "Midlife Crisis Time" is also considered a privileged age, when everyone seems to concede your right to make a fool of yourself, chase old dreams, and generally act up. If this story has some actual plot structure supporting it, I think it could be just as bizarrely funny.

xiqay said...

Miss Snark,
You have improved my health. Laughter is, after all, the best medicine. Thank you.

Author, What were you thinking?! There's a problem with the "plausibility" factor here.

Oh my.

skybluepinkrose said...

I can guess Dominic's motive: he wants to blow bubbles at his parents and get them off his back.

Tabby steals the bubbles because it doesn't seem like a crime to steal bubbles, of all things.

Anybody can figure out that the bowling ball is in the man's apartment. But that means he's a good bowler, and his ball is hefty, and I can't see T hurling it, only dropping it. Directly on his head. Who would do this over bubbles?

I took it that the "crime" she's trying to forget is braining this guy with his own bowling ball. So now I think T's got serious problems of the mental and moral kind.

The midlife crises are fun, but can't she stop the cops just by blowing bubbles at them?

And how did D know about the bubbles, and why were they in this man's apartment to begin with?

Interesting, but a lot of holes.

carlynarr said...

Understood-- many holes in the hook. I should have spent more time writing it, but I didn't. No excuses there.

Tabby doesn't blow bubbles at the cops because she doesn't figure out until late in the story that the bubbles are what gives people midlife crises. She thinks she's just unlucky enough for both of her parents and her best friend to all go bonkers on her at once.

Yes, the cops are after her because of the bowling ball incident, not the bubble robbery. And no, she did not hurl the bowling ball across the room... she hurled it about two feet because she was standing more or less directly over the bed.

I think lots of these things make more sense in the actual text of the book. At least, I hope they do.... ;)

Thanks for your comments, everyone. I'll work hard on improving this.