12.29.2006

HH Com 578

"It wasn't about the money, dear, really it wasn't."

What, then?

"Oh... The adventure, I suppose. The chance to participate in a 'hush-hush' and top secret affair. And most of all, as things progressed, my determination to beat the scoundrels."

Scoundrels?

Lotta Nutting sensed my curiosity and added confidentially, "There are, you know, more scoundrels than you might imagine. They pop up at every turn. Even in my own family -- scoundrels."

But still, I wondered, what compelled an aging and immensely wealthy heiress, descendant of a Mayflower stowaway, to conspire with the likes of the mysterious Mr. Song? Why did she try to steal Nineteen-Million-Five-Hundred-Thousand Dollars from a Hong Kong bank?

Ms. Nutting's "adventure" began with an urgent email from a Nigerian official -- and nearly ended with her poisoning at the hands of her butler. Along the way, she brutally attacked her very own foul-mouthed sister (the licensed hair braider Amanda Case), in a fit of jealousy with
a candlestick in the conservatory. And Harry Case threw all the telephones out the window. And lawyer threatened phony lawyer, from Washington to the Hague. And transfer agents demanded payment, and secret codes were used and voo-doo chants were sung to the melody of "Stardust."
And worst of all, beginning with Colonel Uday, many people died rich but heirless.

I have endeavored to get to the bottom of this improbable caper -- to expose the scoundrels and uncover their secrets -- and all the sordid details are now available in the complete account called "Next of Kin."

When all is said and done, Ms. Nutting's contention notwithstanding, it really was about the money.


I'm really hoping this is a first page because if it's anything else, I'm going to be on fire and "heirless".

7 comments:

I Said said...

Actually, the style of this hooked me. But what do I know.

December Quinn said...

Ms. Nutting's "adventure" began with an urgent email from a Nigerian official

You mean, there could be a real adventure behind those, and not just some scammer sitting in a basement somewhere?


If that was intentional, that's awfully amusing. Enough to make me say rewrite it all from the Aunt's POV, because I love that twist on scam emails.

Virginia Miss said...

she brutally attacked ... Amanda Case, in a fit of jealousy with a candlestick in the conservatory
Sounds like Clue!

I liked and voo-doo chants were sung to the melody of "Stardust."

Anonymous said...

If this is a first page, I liked it a lot. I'd like to read the synopsis, though, to make sure the story is going somewhere in a logical way.

Anonymous said...

Well, no, it was not intended to be a first page. Maybe it would work as such, though. Hmmm... Something to think about. Thanks, Miss Snark.

And yes, december quinn, it was intentional and while this attempt at a "hook" is first person (the author), the work itself is from Lotta's POV.

cm allison said...

I'm afraid all I could think of by the third paragraph was all the "ands" and "it was the maid in the pantry with an iron". Yet I've never played "Clue". Oh my....

I catch a hint of something rip roaring there, but unfortunately, you lost me.

December Quinn said...

And yes, december quinn, it was intentional and while this attempt at a "hook" is first person (the author), the work itself is from Lotta's POV.


Then you've totally got me. I love that idea.

Seriously, I think that should be a bigger part of the hook.