12.29.2006

HH Com 580

'If you really want to hear about why and where I was born, and all that Holden Caulfield kind of crap, you're going to have to put this down right now. Ever since I was fourteen, my family has been in a witness protection programme, so what I tell you might not be the truth.'

This is Etta Tichborne, environmental investigator, and she wants the truth. She wants to know the truth about the drowning of her ex-lover. She wants to know the truth about global warming scientist James McLeod, who changes his political colours like a drying scab. And although she's a card-carrying hedonist, she wants to know what lies behind the riddling 'Pink Lotus' website and its link with the Noble Eightfold Path of the Buddha.

Journeying from England to Kenya to Rhode Island, Etta encounters both helpful and distracting companions. Troy Bittenbender, drum and bass musician, lover of salami and fast boats. Fran Amoreira, aspiring alcoholic with a .38 in a Jimmy Choo shoebox. Rat, blissed-out Buddhist who leaves Etta to drown. Jillie, mother of two foul-mouthed, otherwise model kids. Of all of them, only James McLeod understands Etta and her obsession with the sea.

But how can you fall for the person you've been hired to investigate?
(your hook stops here)
This is a gritty, sea-scented adventure. It is for anyone who knows work-life confusions and looks for truth in the funny side of life.

The science of 'XXXX' is based on fact.

This is a mess.

4 comments:

Dave said...

This doesn't make sense:
"who changes his political colours like a drying scab."

Scabs change from ugly dark red, to uglier, even darker red.

Shannon said...

I liked the voice and the characterizations a lot, but the plot is very unclear. Leaving out the random character descriptions would probably help a lot.

Twill said...

Scabs go red to red-black, then get brown or tan when they get dirty, but then you wash them and they go grey or pink or translucent white sometimes....

I loved the scab line.

I thought the writing was interesting all the way through paragraph 2, but then P3 devolved into those "meets these twelve fascinating people" lines you see in most of these hooks, and p4 suddenly indicated she's been hired for something, which wasn't anywhere in P1-P3.


jrithmm: what she named the kid whose father was the jazz harmonica player

Kit Whitfield said...

Um ... Holden Caulfield *refuses* to talk about how he was born. You're quoting the opening of Catcher in the Rye in direct contradiction to what it actually says. You're also implying that your heroine is even more disaffected than Holden, which is a pretty risky comparison, as it's one of the classics of disaffection. You're highly unlikely to outgrump him, at least without losing reader sympathy.

You don't need to bring Holden Caulfield into it. 'What I tell you might not be the truth' is good enough without references.