HH Com 592 (591 is singing New York New York with the Naked Cowboy)

Kemp, a businessman in Saudi, trying to restore his finances, his integrity, and ignore politics, gets trapped with a former lover (now married), in an abortive coup. Shared danger reignites their affair; they survive, but the following calm doesn't last. As the regime falls, with everyone planning their escape, Kemp tries to convince her to commit, while he chases one last, big deal--a deal her husband hooked--and which could force him to take a political stand.

Well, you know by now this isn't a hook.
Start over.
Apply all the yapping from the previous 591.


Anonymous said...

Naked Cowboy! The demented one!

This will give you the shivers: He writes too.


Anonymous said...

This is almost 80 words but only three sentences... and eleven commas, one semicolon, and one set each of dashes and parentheses. While they look to be technically correct as far as grammar goes, these sentences need to be split up for readability's sake. Also, we need much more specific detail here. (What year is it? Is this a real coup or a fictional one? Does Kemp have a first name? What kind of political stand are we talking about?) But if the writing in the book is as stilted as in the hook, work on that first.