12.29.2006

HH Com 594

Doctor Claire Mulligan has a gift.

She can see snippets of the future through premonitions that come to her in visions and dreams. One day, she has a vision while examining one of her patients, and it changes the course of her life. Claire now knows she is responsible for finding an enzyme hidden in human DNA that, when activated, will work with the body's primary immune system to fight and eradicate disease.

But someone doesn't want that same future to become a reality. Claire realizes something may be wrong when she starts to have a recurring nightmare in which the night watchman where she works is murdered and her research is stolen.

Claire's brother, who is the owner of the Hinshaw Labs where she works, has more than just her safety on his mind when he decides this is the perfect opportunity to play matchmaker. He hires his friend and security expert, Morgan Turner, as her bodyguard when he learns there is an assassin out to destroy her and her research.

Things get worse for Claire when she realizes what her brother has done. Can she complete her medical research in secret before the assassin finds her? Can Morgan Turner keep the lines from blurring between business and pleasure?

You might have a good idea here but you need to polish it up and get rid of all the explination. Try the Hook It Up starting point and build from there.

2 comments:

Twill said...

You can cut this down a lot.

Consider these sentences -

"Doctor Claire Mulligan has a gift.
She can see snippets of the future through premonitions that come to her in visions and dreams."

snippets of the future...premonitions...visions...dreams...

Since you're about to give an example of a premonition anyway, couldn't this all be pruned?

xiqay said...

Your MC is a researcher looking for an enzyme in DNA. She has dreams or visions of the future. (That part sounds like that TV show about the newspaper guy.)

She's in danger. Who is the villain?

Her brother hires a bodyguard, but wants the bodyguard to also be her boyfriend. This is not a very nice brother. If her life is in danger, any decent brother would be freaking out and do everything he could to protect her, not be worried about whether she's paired up with some hunk or not.

Nothin here is all that interesting or different. Woman in danger. Love interest/bodyguard. Nameless, faceless threat. Ordinary writing.

Good luck.