HH Com 601

News of his father's illness has forced Bailo to abandon his work as a mercenary and return to the village of his birth. He arrives too late to be at his father's deathbed, breaking the promise he made when he left three years before. Circumstances, however, leave him no time to dwell on this as the new chieftain turns out to be a poor leader. The villagers, overcoming their fright at Bailo's uncanny resemblance to his now-dead father, begin to press him to take over the chieftainship, and he assents after only a token show of resistance. He conducts a sacrifice to appease his father's spirit over the broken promise, but his father has forgotten that the promise was ever made and cannot explain the show of favoritism to the other ancestral spirits. As dead people are wont to do, the spirits rage, obstructing the village's olive harvest.

As if that is not enough, the foreign war where Bailo once fought for pay has now followed him home. He must fight it all over again -- and this time, he will have to fight for the survival of his tribe.

Start over. Leave out the backstory. Start with Bailo agrees to become the new Chieftain. Then get him a CD deal and let the wars commence.


Inkwolf said...

Sounds like an interesting concept!

susan said...

How much can he have changed in three years that it frightens the villagers to see the resemblance?

Take out the unnessary parts that force an agent to start questioning your plot. Don't shortshift your book.