HH Com 61

In my novel “Cancer of the soul” you will find out what happens when:

You went to The School of Life and majored in cocktailing and tailing cock.

You are a world renowned specialist in dancing on tables, cheating on lovers, boozing away your liver, self medicating, anal bleaching and shopping your Amex into the abyss.

All of “them” are trying to get into your lavish, powered by yoga, vintage couture and antioxidants world. From the out it seems like there is nothing to want. On the in it is scary, empty and painfully lonely.

You graduated with honors from your best friend's funeral.

You fought to stay a kind girl, like you once were, but so much of your soul has been eaten away, that you have no choice but to become an angry drunk.

You looked death in the eye. That glassy eye was full of pain and felt very cold.

You begged to stay here, but you died of cancer at 44 and came to terms with the agony of leaving three kids behind.

You watched the Betsys and the Tovahs try and get along. The Wasps, the Jews, the “Immigrants”, the Gays, the Single-Marrieds, the “Fair and Balanced” and the You.

You realize that people are just shit machines, no matter what season Yamamoto they “dare to wear” in the strip-mall choked, stagnated Boston suburb.

You know that it isn't what happens, it is how you deal with it.

This is a mess.
It's also got power and voice.
It wins for 'worst title' so far...but I wouldn't write a form rejection on this.
This one gets the "you have energy and a story; now learn how to tell it".


Anonymous said...

Wow. Anal bleaching. And I thought I wouldn't learn anything new from the Crapometer...

Anonymous said...

Man, I really, really hate second-person narration. My reaction at every single sentence is, "No, I didn't."

A Paperback Writer said...

Is the whole thing written in second person? I thought only choose-your-own-adventure books were written in second person.

Anonymous said...

Even though the POV is a woman, I bet this was written by a guy.

Jean Bauhaus said...

The voice is good, but it made me go "what?" a lot.

I don't know what anal bleaching is but after reading it I felt like I might need some eyeball bleaching.

Anonymous said...

I googled anal bleaching.

Oh dear.

Bill Peschel said...

Some great lines, though. Songwriter? Poet?

Anonymous said...

We now have anal bleaching to balance out our orange genitalia. How nice.

HawkOwl said...

Not counting the paragraphs that don't mean anything, I thought it had no truth to it and it was really full of itself. Not to mention, no story.

Anonymous said...

WTF? The pacing is wrong, paused too many times. Why are you doing this to me?

- said...

Pick up "Bright Lights, Big City" by Jay McInerney. Great fiction is written in second person once in a while. However, I would only use first or third person. Few people can get away with second.

LindaBudz said...

I just plain don't get this. And I'm not just talking about the bleaching.

Anonymous said...

Nice voice. Some really good phrasing, but as a whole, makes no sense.


Anonymous said...

I LOVE all of your comments.
Thank you.

The title is fictional, would I post my real title? No way!

Good excercise, I enjoyed it!

Anonymous said...

I realize that Miss Snark and many of the readers like this sassy, or in-your-face "voice." But I'm tired of it. It's no longer fresh.

Is no one else tired of this style or voice? Is no one else longing for a quieter harmonic with deeper complexities?

(And yes, there are some of those types of voices out there, too.)

Just wondering.

Anonymous said...

This seems to be in the Chuck Palahniuk/Irvine Welsh school of gross-out writing and "I've got the truth about our society listen to me blow your mind" stuff...

As much as I have enjoyed said books, on occasion, they're not easy to write well, and too prone to posturing. The second-person is a bit wanky, and what is it all about anyway? "You looked death in the eye. That glassy eye was full of pain and felt very cold." Is that really the best way to describe having cancer? And how can you "come to terms with the agony of leaving three kids behind" AFTER you die of cancer?

Is there a bit of gazing-at-Earth-from-heaven-Lovely-Bones-style going on here? oh please, not again.

I could not get a sense of how the book would progress, what style it would be written in (hopefully not this one) or even what actually happens. All these "catchy" lines like "You graduated with honours from your best friend's funeral" just made me want to chunder.

I try to be constructive, but this just stank. Sorry, but I wouldn't touch it.

Anonymous said...

Okay, the graduated from your best friend's funeral line was awsome. I like the pace. But it's so pissed off, that I would just cringe to read it. Maybe I'm just not into looking at raw wounds like some people are. Thing is, this may be the best writing I've come across on these hooks. My guess is, you cough up something with a plot I like, and I'm buying it. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

I sense a disconnect between "boozing away your liver, and anal bleaching" (whatever that means) and your "powered by yoga, vintage coulture, antioxidants world." Is this the same character, since your talking to me (?), I assume it is.