12.29.2006

HH Com 613

In a typical suburb anywhere on earth, nothing of interest happens, usually. In Kas’s life, though, a lot changes in a very short time. He thought he was a normal Dutch school kid, until he bumps into a man he wasn’t supposed to see. Now the man, who who doesn’t bother much with pesky thing like consciences, is after him in an attempt to save his job. To make it worse, Kas’s house burns down, his parents get hurt and he has to move to the States.

A talent Kas’s always held close and quiet turns out to be more common than he thought, and makes him eligible for recruitment by the Soul Viewers, be it with honey or with vinegar. Away from his friends and family, there is preciously little in the way of help or comfort, or even sanity, to be had. His cousins help him as well as they can, but they are not aware of the danger. His world is starting to look more and more like his favourite computer game, and he has no idea how to turn it all back.

This is a description of your idea. It's not a hook. Start over.

1 comment:

I Said said...

Too many huh's? in this:

"a man he wasn't supposed to see" --doesn't tell us if he in fact is able to see things others don't or just caught somebody doing something.

"who who doesn’t bother much with pesky thing like consciences, is after him in an attempt to save his job." -- vague, what job ties in with this; cut out the whole pesky conscience ref.

"A talent Kas’s always held close and quiet turns out to be more common than he thought, and makes him eligible for recruitment by the Soul Viewers, be it with honey or with vinegar." -- If it's so common, why do they need him? Lose the honey/vinegar ref.

It just seems odd that his house burns down, his parents are "hurt" and this kid takes off.

Build the drama hook with less events more interestingly noted.