12.30.2006

HH Com 632

When your toddler changes the channel by staring hard at the television, that might be an electronic glitch. If your teenage daughter tells you she has no idea how she got those razor cuts on her arms, she's probably lying. But when a childish voice singing a well-known nursery rhyme about spiders causes hundreds of them to appear, it's time to get help.

Help for the Scott family comes in the form of Jonas Tildon, a young man who shows up at their front door wearing a shockingly loud Hawaiian shirt. His wit is sharp, his manner warm, and his business card reads simply: The Riley Foundation. He tells them their daughters aren't crazy or sick, they're adept. They possess powers of the mind that threaten to destroy them, and they are not alone.

And Jonas is not the only one keeping an eye on the Scott family.

"The Village Inside" is a 90,000-word paranormal thriller.

Oh pish posh, Killer Yapp can make food appear by gazing at Miss Snark.
Hilarity aside, this is actually a good hook.
It's not laden with gloom as most paranormals are (shockingly loud Hawaiin shirt!) and there's an element of humor I find sadly missing in most of those.

Let's see if those girls have anything over the Yapp in making things materialize.

13 comments:

December Quinn said...

I love paranormals. I love them even more when there's an element of clever humor. Yay!

Anonymous said...

Generally I don't read in this genre, but you've hooked me.

This reminds me of the TV series "Heroes." It's the last show I expected to get hooked on, but I did--for reasons I can't begin to fathom. My only guess is that, despite the paranormal premise and devices, it doesn't creep me out.

If my sense is correct that this is more intrigue and intellectual puzzle than goosebumpy Children of the Corn creepfest, yeah, I'd give it a shot.

BernardL said...

Good hook. Poltergeist meets the Exorcist. I hope the loud shirted one brings in some humor with him.

Virginia Miss said...

I really liked this too. Great first paragraph and great ending. Smooth prose.

Like many submissions that have been snarked, it doesn't give us a good idea of the main conflict, however we get that tasty hint at the end.

Bella Stander said...

Good hook, but I think it could use some tuning. The one-sentence graf at end is too abrupt. Needs at least a hint of who the bad guys are and what the stakes are.

A Paperback Writer said...

I like this one. I hope Miss Snark has asked you for the 750 words.rz

dana p said...

Good job, author! You have a light touch.

Anonymous said...

Like this one a lot, and I'm looking forward to the pages.

HawkOwl said...

I agree. I hate teenagers and magic, and this reminds me of Village of the Damned, but I'd look at it anyway.

melinama said...

I would read this!

Inkwolf said...

Sounds fun to me!

MaryF said...

This sounds awesome!

Anne said...

Thank you all! I'm delighted to know this worked.