12.30.2006

HH Com 649

It is not every day one discovers the secrets of the universe. In fact, very few people have the knowledge that I quite unwittingly was made privy to. I must say that it struck me rather hard at first. When you learn beyond a shadow of a doubt that the very fabric of the universe is about to dissolve, and know beyond that same shadow of a doubt that you were the cause of its destruction, and now are waiting to see it destroyed, well, it leaves you rather nauseated really. ( start here--->) I didn’t cause the actual destruction of the universe, but I certainly started the events that will lead to the end of our Earth.

There are many concepts of space and time the modern world holds as fact, but most of these ideas are utter nonsense. The idea of space being so large is just one. It is really quite small. The universe in fact has an end. I know. I’ve been there.

It was a simple clerical error that caused the problems. That and a goldfish. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me start at the beginning, which is usually a good place to start, even though it is still a little confusing for me. I am guessing I have about three days to tell my story, but I’d better start now. I’ll just tell it in the order that it happened, and forget about the actual dates, which would just confuse the matter more.

This isn't a hook, it's a first page. I'd ask for pages, but it's clear I don't have enough time to read them AND get Mr. Clooney to the altar before the end of the universe.

5 comments:

Virginia Miss said...

I hate the beginning of this. It reads like existential blather.

After the point Miss Snark suggests it should begin, it picks up. then it picks up more. I love the goldfish line.

You could tweak that new beginning sentence to make it clearer. I didn’t actually destroy the universe, I just caused the events that will destroy Earth.

You could trim the next sentence, too:
There are many concepts of space and time, but most are utter nonsense.
or
Most concepts of space and time are utter nonsense.

instead of
There are many concepts of space and time the modern world holds as fact, but most of these ideas are utter nonsense.

dana p said...

Whatever you change, keep this:
The universe in fact has an end. I know. I’ve been there.
Love it.

heather said...

i like some of this, but damn if it doesn't all remind me of hitchiker's guide to the galaxy.

Fuchsia Groan said...

Also reminds me of [i]Brazil[/i] with the disastrous clerical error.

Twill said...

I like it. Tighten it up and go again.