12.30.2006

HH Com 651

In "The Birth of Monsters" Brad Patterson has a failing marriage, a boss he can’t stand, and a dead-end job as a low ranking attorney defending a giant drug company against allegations that its popular sleeping pill, Zynix, causes people to become paranoid and go on murderous rampages. When an expert witness who is privy to highly confidential information concerning Zynix goes insane and throws himself in front of Brad’s car, Brad suspects that something untoward may be going on. (ya think?) Then he starts hearing voices, and his wife’s body is found stabbed to death–the police believe Brad is the killer. Could it be related to the Zynix he is taking? During the preparation of his defense, Brad discovers that Zynix causes some of its users to become telepathic, a side-effect that the company has kept secret but that is at the center of a plot to overthrow the American government and provoke a nuclear exchange. Now, only Brad, together with Dr. Trevor Jones, a scientist who developed Zynix, can prevent Armageddon. But whose side is Dr. Jones really on?


You're awash in plot points. Stop.
You don't need to rethink the hook, you need to rethink the book.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow. I gotta agree with Miss Snark on this one. This might be an interesting book, but there's way too much going on to tell.

xiqay said...

This sounds like a parody and as such, could be funny. As a real thriller, though, it sounds a bit over the top.

You've got an attorney who represents a client, the company that produces Zynix. Zynix is a sleeping pill that this attorney also happens to take. The civil complaint includes allegations that the pill makes people crazy and violent.

And then the attorney goes crazy (hearing voices)and is accused of violence (murder).

Lucky, though, he's also becoming telepathic. That's really going to help.

Somehow, although no one taking Zynix or the public at large or investigative journalists know about the telepathic aspect of the drug, the bad guys know. Who they are exactly is unclear, but they plan on overthrowing America AND provoking a nuclear exchange.

Now, what is a nuclear exchange? Is that like-dropping nuclear bombs? Or exchanging technology?

How would bad guys benefit from nuclear bombings?

Well if it's the technology exchange, how do they benefit from that? and what threat is that to America?

And how are they going to get to the telepathic benefit without going insane and becoming murderous first?

This doesn't make a lot of sense.

I'm not interested in reading it.

Good luck.

~Nancy said...

Brad discovers that Zynix causes some of its users to become telepathic, a side-effect that the company has kept secret but that is at the center of a plot to overthrow the American government and provoke a nuclear exchange.

This is where you lost me. Provoke a nuclear exchange? Huh? Where did that come from?

Maybe, like xiqay said, this is a parody? Because if it's a straight thriller, it's not working for me.

Sorry, author. Good luck with it.

~JerseyGirl