A steel-toed boot nudged his injured arm, causing the man to wake with a start, a stifled scream on his lips. He looked up into the gray blue muzzle of his captor's rifle.
"You are the only one to ever escape from me, but it looks like your luck has run out." The sound of the bolt engaging was very loud. "You're going to hell, you godless fuck. Prepare to meet your maker Satan."
The man looked at the muzzle and then his captor's face, defiance matching up with the fear he felt, but he said nothing.
A single shot echoed through the woods, scaring up a nearby doe and her two fawns.
(your hook starts here)
Jimmy is just a regular guy – hard working, friendly, opinionated, passionate, and involved in a complex relationship with a beautiful woman. Oh yeah, he is also an atheist. Jimmy’s world quickly slides into the surreal when the Covert Christian Cabal, a secret Religious Right group, kidnaps Betsy, his Christian girlfriend, in order to get to him.
Their mission: Rid the USA of secularism by any means possible, even killing off atheists one at a time.
Jimmy’s mission: Make the leader of this group an atheist.
“Creak: An Atheist’s Tale” follows Jimmy into the bowels of the CCC headquarters. Is he able to use his wits and strong opinions to save Betsy and himself? Or is he about to become another bug squashed by the inexorable march of the Religious Right?
Dog spare me from polemics.
You don't have story, you're arguing a political point.
Tell a good story, you'll make a point without needing to make it.
Start with making your characters more than one dimension.