12.16.2006

HH Com 67 (66 was a duplicate)

When his daughter is arrested and charged with murder, former con-man Trenton Allen is forced to come out of hiding to clear her name, and pull off the biggest con of his life to draw the real killer into the open.
As she sits in jail, his daughter Elizabeth has no idea that she holds the key to a twenty year old case, a deadly secret that would put her father and Louis Bishop behind bars together. For the plan to work, he needs his daughter on the outside, and he needs to pull it off before FBI agent Louis Bishop finds him.
But the real trick for Trenton will be convincing his daughter to trust him, since this is the first time they've met.

Bingo bango bongo


yea yea yea I know there are cliches but this IS a hook and it's a good one.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

OUCH. Now I know how numbers 34 and 28 felt. Getting rejected right before . . . BINGO!

A Paperback Writer said...

Hey, yeah. I lOVE Ian Rankin books, and this hook reminded me a bit of some of the blurbs on the back of his. I'd pick this one up and read more.

Anonymous said...

You had me hooked from the first paragrpah. Good job!

not-Miss-Snark said...

Cheers to you 67. Cheers to you. I'd read it.

Bonnie Shimko said...

Yup. This one's good.

2readornot said...

LOL...when I started it I thought, "same old, same old" -- until the last line -- nice ;)

kitty said...

125 words. Nice job!!

Bill Peschel said...

If the story pays due attention to that last line, it's good.

Caper novels are pretty much all the same (like romances, eh?). It's the energy and style that pulls them off, plus a few good plot twists.

Ryan Field said...

I'd buy it.

HawkOwl said...

Again, the whole amateur crime-solvers / weird far-fetched secrets / dilemma / trust issue thing is so old. And it wasn't even good when it was new.

Anonymous said...

I've been a bad critic but, I must state this is very, very good.

WTG!

LadyBronco said...

Based on this hook, I would buy it.

Mtanz said...

I'd definitely want to take a peek at the first couple of pages. Good hook!

Anonymous said...

Again, the whole amateur crime-solvers / weird far-fetched secrets / dilemma / trust issue thing is so old. And it wasn't even good when it was new.

It's fun. ;) Besides, the hook is just the hook. Job done :)

Writerious said...

Wow, that last line is a real zinger -- a nice twist at the end of a good hook.

meika said...

its definitely a hook but I just don't care, I wonder what a grab-all hook looks like.

Lynnzer Tart said...

Hook is great for sure. It's noce to look closely at what this author is doing. e.g.notice how the author builds tension with (1st) deadly secret that will (2)put her dad behind bars with Louis Bishop who (we need to read on to find out is (3) FBI agent. Reader can feel info being revealed in layers yet tell that there will be several plot points building at same time toward climax. Hook Out To You #67.

Virginia Miss said...

Writer, I like how tightly you have written this. No flab, and delivering a nice punch in the final sentence.

One suggestion: put "FBI agent" before the FIRST mention of Louis Bishop. Then, maybe just use "Bishop" the second time he's mentioned.

I'm dying to find out what she knows that could put both the con man and the FBI agent behind bars.

Congrats on hooking Miss Snark.

Anonymous said...

One suggestion: put "FBI agent" before the FIRST mention of Louis Bishop. Then, maybe just use "Bishop" the second time he's mentioned.

For the record, that is what is known as the last minute slap yourself in the forehead cut and paste.

I switched the two sentences seconds before I sent it off and missed the name thing on the re-read. I was gnashing teeth for awhile there...

thraesja said...

I'm still waiting to see if there is anything Hawkowl even remotely likes.

For the record, I almost agree with him on this one. The plot doesn't really do anything for me, as I've read too many similar ones before, however the hook is well written. Hopefully the book is too. The last line is great. And with the cut-and-paste error explained, the rest is well done too. Well done #67.

Paul said...

Make the con artist OCD, and I'd bet you could get Nick Cage to star in the movie...