HH com 68

In a time when knights gallantly rode, honor and duty were everything - and young lovers were not always able to follow their hearts

Crown Prince Bartholomew had been Abby’s playmate ever since the death of her parents brought her into his palace. Even as children, Abby and Tholly were inseparable, but as they grew, their friendship changed into a forbidden love.

Tholly depended on his old friend, but that did not change the fact he’d been promised to a spoiled princess since birth.

His betrothal sets Abby on a journey to a faraway kingdom. There, while meeting new friends and enemies, she confronts the depths of her own heart. But when a return trip home reignites old emotions, she has to make the ultimate decision: stay with Tholly at any cost, or find happiness somewhere she’d never thought to look.

oh snore snore snore.
You said in the email this turns Cinderella upside down but hells smells all you did was reverse the genders.

These characters are one dimensional and cliche.

Dig deeper. Get in touch with your inner troll.


Anonymous said...

Sitting here reading these crapometer entries I'm struck by one thing: the blatant honesty of Miss Snark (did we expect anything less?).

These are the things she wishes she could write on the real queries she receives, but is too professional in her real life persona to do so. When we writer's really need to hear this feedback, we get a simple form letter, and a 'sorry, not for us.'

These entries tell the real story. As I go through each entry one by one, I'm starting to get a feel for what agents are really looking for.

My entry is somewhere at the end of the line. I gave it my best effort (both the hook and the novel). I'm starting to think (without even being Snarked) that it's time to shelve this project and focus on the next.

Anonymous said...

What the hell kind of nickname is Tholly??

HawkOwl said...

Really boring and the style is hollow and sounds like it's gonna turn quite purple in the actual novel.

Anonymous said...

holy moly miss snark i think you are breaking down!!

you need a break!!

stop now while you still have your sanity.


Anonymous said...

What the hell kind of nickname is Tholly??

lol...wondered that myself ;)

Anonymous said...

I'm confused as to how the genders have been reversed from Cinderella. The guy is the prince, the girl is the commoner...

Anyway, if this book really does turn Cinderella on its head, you need to explain how, as it is not at all evident from your hook.

If it's any consolation, I actually like the name Tholly.

Anonymous said...

are literary agents always this harsh? Why so ruthless?