HH com 97

The New York Times

Kidnapping suspected in disappearance of five NY teens

Two family employees also missing
Police asking for leads

Five prominent New York teenagers have vanished without a trace, along with a chauffeur and a security guard employed by two of their families. In a bizarre set of circumstances that have police scrambling to discover what happened to them, they all disappeared from various locations in midtown Manhattan between two am and noon on Saturday.

First to disappear was Gregory Allan Mainwaring, fourteen, son of Allan Lamar Mainwaring, conductor of the Four Seasons Festivals in Lincoln Center, and Helena Stromboli Mainwaring, director of The Stromboli Foundation, benefactor to hospitals, universities, and arts organizations around the world.

Young Mainwaring was last seen in a bedroom of his parent's Park Avenue apartment at two am Saturday morning. A promising pianist, Mainwaring made his professional debut
at the age of eight, playing Beethoven's Emperor’s Concerto at the Seventh Fall Festival conducted by his father.

Also missing is Broadway's brightest young star, Becca Lee, fourteen. Lee exploded onto the New York stage singing the title role in Annie. Last year, she received a Tony nomination for her first dramatic role, playing Beverly Jane in Richmond Wilder's Pulitzer Prize winning play, Mississippi Mud Pies.

This is a hook?
It's not even a first page.
You want me to be enticed by the idea of teenagers disappearing in the 212??? Are you insane??? I'd PAY to have 200 of them vacummed up off my streetcorner at 3:30 pm Monday through Friday. (oh wait! -lighbulb- Miss Snark is the kidnapper/villain??)

This doesn't work on any level for me.


Jodi Meadows said...

As soon as ten zillion names pop up, I'm lost. I barely remember my own name! (Luckily I never have a problem with Miss Snark's.)

MDavis said...

ok there goes my keyboard. As I'm going to the movies tonight--the last weekend before Christmas--at one of the most popular malls in the Metro 202 I'll probably wish for a teenager vacuum myself.

Kate said...

so...uh...what HAPPENS?


carlynarr said...

I think this is intriguing. I like it. I want to read more. It's just definitely not focused enough for a hook.

Crystal Charee said...

I like it. I can't get enough of reading about rich kids--so far removed from my reality to be considered fantasy.

Anonymous said...

Mini-bios do not a hook create.

Who, (overkill on that one, you wasted words, ducky) plus what, where, when, why--think about it.

Janette Rallison said...

If you showed a connection between everyone who disappeared it would be more intriguing.

Good luck

Anonymous said...

Why would anyone call someone Ducky?

BuffySquirrel said...

For the same reasons someone might call someone hon, I guess. To be patronising. Between family members, it's a term of endearment, but to strangers, not so much.

M. Takhallus. said...

Nothing wrong with the idea of kidnapped teens. The milieu is going to be tough to sell to kids if that's your target audience. YA readers aren't going to caree about a concert pianist.

Anonymous said...

I can muster any sympathy for "prominent teens". Sorry.