12.16.2006

HH Crapometer Status Report

1. Everyone who is getting numbers, has them. No more re-sends, questions, resubmits. This thing has ballooned past sanity and there has to be a stopping point. That point is now. Don't email me to complain it's unfair. I don't care.

2. No comments that are cruel without being helpful in the comment trail. Leave the snarking to the professionals. Threee of you are already on auto reject for string of comments that are just plain mean spirited. Stop it.

3. We MIGHT get through 50 a day. There are 588 unposted hooks. You can do the math. That means if I asked you for pages you'll have some time to send them.

4. People who are asked for pages get an email asking for pages. Thats the ONLY way you know you're being asked for pages. If you don't get an email asking, don't send them. I keep track. When we get to the pages review I'll email you again if I haven't received yours.

5. yes, we are going to do this differently if we ever do it again. I had no idea we'd get this much. I even laid money on it. Not only am I inundated..I have to pay off my wagers.

6. Please don't email me about anything right now. One person wanted me to search the Snarkives for her. As if. I'm obviously never going to do that, but I'm not even responding to emails right now. They all get tucked in a little folder that says "expiration date soon".

7. Lest you think this is some sort of martyrdom, let me assure you I"m learning quite a lot. I teach classes at writers conferences and it's really helpful to me to have to talk about what's good/bad works/doesn't in these. When I do my slush it's form letters. This helps me out so yea, I'm glad it helps you too but it's not a one way street.

8. The missing numbers are people who withdrew or when I lost count. Well that's the public explanation anyway. It's more like platform 9-3/4. Only the really gifted people can see the entries. What..you can't?? hmmmm

53 comments:

michaelgav said...

"This helps me out so yea, I'm glad it helps you too but it's not a one way street."

Well, that's just gracious as hell, given that you are looking at more than a week of work ahead of you on this.

I was wondering, is the ratio of decent to dreck about the same here as it is in your slush pile? Is there a general qualitative difference one way or the other?

Kate said...

Waiting enthusiastically for tomorrow's.

Loving that you're doing this.

You are truly awesome.

Anonymous said...

:Editor, whispering fearfully:

I see nitwits.

Anonymous said...

No comments that are cruel without being helpful in the comment trail. Leave the snarking to the professionals. Threee of you are already on auto reject for string of comments that are just plain mean spirited. Stop it.

Thank you for commenting. And restraining. It gets old. Surely people have other things to do.

Snowfie said...

Oh my, are you really going to do all of them?

Didn't you have a lottery system last time? where you just assigned random numbers and only did a certain number and that was it?

Hats off to you Miss Snark. That's...well...I'm not entirely sure what it is but you should probably get medication for it.

Thanks again for the wonderful input. I didn't submit but I am also learning a lot from this.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Just,,,wow. Sorry we can't set up a Paypal account to help you pay off those debts! You're earning it, certainly.

Thank you,

Learning A Lot

Anonymous said...

I began thinking of you as a teacher -- whether or not you have a classroom -- when Google cut you off at 300 emails and you posted: "I will NOT be able to return any email till tomorrow so try not to worry." That was just nice.

Anonymous said...

You are truly awesome!

- somewhere in the 400s :)

Anonymous said...

Holy cow! That's a lot! You are taking on too much. Pull mine out. #541. Take a breath, Miss Snark. Have some gin.

Anonymous said...

Wow Miss Snark, I might regret this but, if you would like to whittle down the volume, I will be glad to forfeit my entry.

I am 500 and 523 (actually there the same and I did email you informing you of this.) I only ask that you send an email stating an agreement just so I will not be setting on pins & needles I would greatly appreciate it. You can even post it here if it makes it easier.

I feel bad for you. I cannot help but feel a bit responsible for you missing a little extra in your paycheck, you doing this for free and all.

Thanks your the best.

MichaelPH said...

No comments that are cruel without being helpful in the comment trail. Leave the snarking to the professionals. Threee of you are already on auto reject for string of comments that are just plain mean spirited. Stop it.

Then what are the nasty & bitter snarklings to do?

Steve said...

On behalf of the people who appreciate what you are doing (I KNOW I am not the only one) I wanted to thank you, not just for your Crap-o-meter but also for your blog in general. I thought I knew something about writing (no, not trying to be arrogant here) but I am just amazed how much I have learned from following your blog. I have downloaded the entire thing from the internet and am working my way through all 1500 or so pages in addition to following the Crap-o-meter. This far exceeds any web site or book I have found thus far.

So if you sometimes wish you never had started this exercise, you might take some comfort from the fact that it is really appreciated by serious students of writing, and - yes - there are a few of us out there.

Very best wishes, and have a great holiday season.

Sonarbabe said...

You're the bomb, Miss Snark. We always knew it, but this proves it. 589 to go? Oh my. Like I said before, I do not envy you.

Anonymous said...

Could this be one of the reasons you were assaulted with hooks? I found this Posted on the website www.backwash.com

Perhaps people are under the impression this is a contest? Or that you'll trip over your elation and help them get published.

""The Happy Hooker Crapometer (an excerpt writing contest) -
Average Rating -- 5.00
Recommended by: Odd One Out
The prize? If she likes it, you can send in pages and she might help get you published. Entries can be submitted only on the 15th and 16th of December (and mostly the 15th).
Source: crapometeriv.blogspot
Date Posted: December 13, 2006 08:13 ""

Anonymous said...

It was great for me to see what you thought, even if you don't request pages to see.

I've always been curious whether I was doing things the right way or not. Thanks ;)

Lauren said...

My sympathy, MS.

Anonymous said...

Of course, Miss Snark, You Rock!!! And in such a big way that words can't even begin to express our gratitude.

The fact that you would even be willing to do this.. and then that you are a person of integrity who follows through on her conmitments no matter what. And that you have gone above and beyond in commenting, giving suggetions where you can.

I am floored, inspired by your generosity and brilllance.

I think the greatest compliment one person can pay to another is to say, "You have made a difference." Miss
Snark, you have made a difference in many writer's lives.

EA said...

Miss Snark,

I've been trying to think of way to thank you for all that you're doing.

Would you consider naming a charity that you support so that those snarklings who are so moved could send in a donation as a way of thanks?

We could even set up a "Miss Snark registry" at one of the reputable online donation sites.

Anonymous said...

is hawkowl on auto-reject?
every one of her comments i've seen has been of the rude "this is old shit" sort.

Anonymous said...

While I am unabashedly grateful for the comments on my submission, I can't imagine how you would ever consider doing this again, unless you were looking for a reason to increase your gin-take.

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you look at this whole project as something you benefit from as well. I don't think a lot of professionals would look at it the same way.:)
Thank you, thank-you, thank you!!!!!

A.R.P.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for doing this. As several posters have said...even though I didn't submit, this is very educational.

BernardL said...

Just reading the entries today was an education, and more than a little entertaining. Thanks for your time.

Miss Audrey said...

Miss Snark,

I am so addicted to this whole deal. You are awesome. Have a gin for me would ya? I'm a tee-totaler.

Sal said...

Bless you (again), Miss Snark.

There's you.

Crispin and Strauss and Writer Beware.

Dave at Preditors and Editors

Others.

Bless you all. And a Merry um. Holiday Season and whatever to All of You!

Every!

One!

Steve Prosapio said...

Just an awesome, awesome, awesome job!

Thank you!!!

MWT said...

Thank you from me as well for running this thing. I had no idea I was going to get as much entertainment and education out of this as I am, even without an entry. I'm just reading along and trying to say helpful things to the ones that strike my interest. It's turning out a lot like an intense workshop. Whether something works tends to be fairly obvious right away; explaining how and why is the hard part, as is what would fix it. And there's nothing like taking apart other people's stuff to illuminate what things I should/shouldn't do with my own.

Double thanks for #2. I hope the auto-reject works on the IP addresses of all those "anonymous" potshot commenters as well as people with actual blogger accounts.

You might want to consider putting up a paypal button for people who want to help you pay off your wagers. ;)

Dee said...

I know I've learned from your comments...
I thank you for a thankless task...and glad to hear you are getting something out of it beyond eyestrain...

rabs said...

I don't write fiction, but I am also learning a lot about writnig from reading all of this. I try to read the hooks without looking at Miss Snark's comments first -- I see what I notice and then see what Miss Snark commented on. I'm always very proud when I notice what she commented about.

Thank you Miss Snark! You're doing a service to anyone who wants to learn to write better!

Anonymous said...

"The Good German" opens this week. I vote that Miss Snark stop reading hooks in time to get to the first showing with a prime seat -- George Clooney stars, by the way -- and let the rest of us wait till next time.

Signed,
No. 583


P.S. "The Good German" is a terrific book.

Randy said...

Me too. Please take comfort in knowing that for every one of those gazillion entries you have to wade through there's a multi-gazillion more that either didn't have the courage or (speaking for myself) screwed up the time zone thing and didn't enter. That's the glory of the crap-o'meter--you don't have to enter to learn. All you have to do is sit back and let Miss Snark do all the work...

Adinda said...

I have to applaud you for doing this - it's insane that you got so many entries. Personally I didn't submit anything - I'm not nearly that far yet with writing - but a friend of mine did, and got me hooked on this blog. It's really interesting to read all the entries and comments to it, I'm sure I'll be able to use some of them for myself too.

Hats off to you for doing such an enormous job!

Anonymous said...

I admire your willingness to honor your commitment, MS. But jeez, I can't imagine most snarklings would bitch too much if you just said "look, kids, at this rate I'll spend the entire holiday season on this ballooning horror, so I'm gonna stop now, yanno?" Of course, I say that as someone who's already had his hook critiqued, but still ...

"I am Number 28"

KCTW said...

Thanks a lot for your efforts here, Miss Snark. And Killer Yapp, of course--can't forget him. Your new boots kick ass, KY. I'm new here (and have yet to be shredded as I am number 179) but I've already learned a great deal.

BuffySquirrel said...

I am not a number. I am a free squirrel.

Brutus said...

A tip 'o the gin pail to Miss Snark! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
Thanks,
Agent #99

inherwritemind1 said...

Dear Miss Snark,

Not to be redundant, but I echo the gratitude expressed by everyone else. We have all become smarter, thanks to you. Your generosity is astounding. Even more astounding is that throughout this grueling process you haven’t lost your wicked sense of humor. You have achieved rock star status, but it seems that you have become a victim of your own success: 700+ submissions! Who knew? I hope that doesn’t dissuade you from reading the rest, even if it takes months. We can wait.

Not to mention your day job…

I can’t revise my hook before you see it, but now I get how to improve it. The hook consists of form, content, and it has voice, you’ve got the trifecta. Thank you so much, dear Miss Snark, for the enlightenment. I am forever in your debt.

Enjoy your stroll in the park today.

T. R., #307

Hopeful hooker said...

I think what ea suggested was a great idea. I'd be happy to give a donation to a charity of Miss Snark's choice.

Somewhere in the 400s said...

I think it would be great if you set up a paypal account for donations. Specifically for the running of the Crap-O-Meter. I know you have a thing with agents who charge, but this could be voluntary. Let us buy you a day's worth of gin, Miss Snark. It's the least we can do.

Mark said...

I'm happy to have gotten a reprieve from killer yapp, or a veto from his boss as the case may be. For that, a tip of the old chapeau to both. Good luck with this massive undertaking and thanks again.

cm allison said...

I join in the applauds and salutes to your williness to do this. If you have to stop before you make it to me, I'll understand and only whimper quietly in a corner. I'm also learning much just from reading the ones you've critqued so far. Did you get that triple dry martini? Hope so!

(deep in the 500's)

ftmyb said...

I'm sure we all understand that you have to put some limits to this! I greatly appreciate all of the time you've spent looking at people's hooks. My number is quite high, but I've really learned a lot already. What people have to understand is that this blog isn't the only thing you have in your life! If it takes a couple of months to go through all the hooks, or if for whatever reason, you simply don't have the time to go through all of them, I'm sure we're all adult enough to understand.

kitty said...

Miss Snark is TIME's Person of the Year!

Inkwolf said...

I can also say: if you pack it in before you get to mine, I'll understand. I'm learning as much from others' mistakes as from my own. :D

It's also being fun to see what other people are writing about!

Crystal Charee said...

I would like to be kind and say "leave out my submission" but I'm too selfish. After reading your comments on other hooks, I can see why mine may be rejected, but I still want specific feedback.

But I do want to say thank you, because I didn't add that in my e-mail and I AM really appreciative. This is an awesome thing for you to do.

Also, if you want to cut the entries down to the first 100-or-so that you got, I wouldn't be too upset. I just don't have it in me to volunteer getting cut.

*hugs*

Writerious said...

What? Some people sent more than one entry? I didn't know that was an option. No wonder the numbers are so high! I sent my one little mite in, and I'll wait patiently for the late 400's to appear to see it. Already I'm all a-tremble -- alas, I think it's more synopsis than hook!

These Crapometers are the best free workshops on the web. Many, many thanks for running them.

Don said...

I'd suggest something along the lines of all submissions have to paypal $.78 to Miss Snark (this being the cost of two stamps: One for mailing the query, one for the SASE). The proceeds can be donated to charity or passed on to Miss Snark's gin merchant. Either way, it should provide just enough of a hurdle to keep the number of submissions within reason.

And one thing that I'd like to see made a bit more clear in some of the no thanks queries: Is the problem with the hook or the book? It's not always clear when you say "revise" which is meant.

Anonymous said...

The fact that you're willing to do this speaks volumes about your quality as a person. Your efforts are extremely appreciated and we're all grateful.

Anonymous said...

Miss Snark, you rule for doing this. I'm way at the bottom of the queue, but I've already learned a tremendous amount from what's been posted so far. And ditto to all those who suggested putting up a Paypal button. It'd be the least I could do to contribute towards a swanky bottle of gin or nice new heels.

Anonymous said...

I see the same mistakes over and over and it teaches me a ton. Seeing what works is even better. This is "show not tell" for successful hooks.

Thanks.

Our Novel Editor said...

Thank you Miss Snark!

A suggestion for next time: (If there ever is one)

Make the window smaller, maybe only 1-2 hours in which you can submit.

And make it at 3 AM.

Michele said...

Miss Snark, you're the best! I wouldn't blame you if you gave up before reaching my number, and I've learned a lot from your comments. Plus, you're immensely fun to read.

If you ever do this again, I suggest a combination of this and the previous crapometer - You randomly pick 100 hooks, and then do pages from those that hook you.

Perhaps you could start selling t-shirts and stuff on cafe press.

Anonymous said...

I took Miss Snark's comments like an adult. But having someone say they were laughing thier ass off hurt. I can take comments. I can take someone telling me to take up plumbing. But laughing at me was just too hurtful.