HHCom 3

A gang murder outside a Memphis restaurant ruins a nice lunch, but police aren’t concerned about primary witness, Nora Anderson’s safety. That is until she is stalked through the city and abducted from her boyfriend’s home. Her disappearance is investigated by a homicide detective and her wealthy father who uses his own corporate security team to avoid FBI scrutiny. Nora’s fear escalates when she sees her captors aren’t gang-bangers but highly trained mercenaries wanting information she can’t imagine having any relevance to the killing she saw.

Nora’s captor, Adam, ruthlessly orders her boyfriend killed while taking her, but enigmatically proves to be compassionate and eventually protective. Despite herself she eventually falls into an affair with the man who controls her fate and appears to be responsible for her nightmarish reality. As Adam expertly gleans information from Nora he begins to sympathize with her innocent involvement in the complicated web of criminal and political intrigues. But will that concern be enough to contradict his orders, compromise his criminal mission and save her from Adam’s vicious partner, an enthusiastically cruel man?

Deceptive Abduction is a fast-paced, 74,000 word, suspense novel with seemingly distant story lines that converge and reveal startling connections. Provocative personalities and relationships provide an interesting environment for imaginative plot shifts and compelling action.

This is a synopis not a hook. You need a reason to read this and something beyond she falls in love with her rapist. I don't read enough romance to know a lot about overused plot devices but this seems to be that. Oh wait.. this ISN"T romance?? It's Suspense? Splat. Do you mean romantic suspense?

Here's why "what to call it" can be important. If you call it suspense, I'm expecting spies and a kick ass heroine, not some idiot who falls in love.


Rashenbo said...

I enjoy a good suspense novel, but I'm afraid you lost me here: "Nora’s fear escalates when she sees her captors aren’t gang-bangers but highly trained mercenaries wanting information she can’t imagine having any relevance to the killing she saw." Just seems a little wordy to me and I didn't think your flow was as smooth as it good have been. Also, personally, if I read it on the backcover I don't think it would interest me. Nothing against your story - it just doesn't appeal to my taste.

There's lots of readers though and not every reader likes every genre or plot idea. I know there are certainly oodles I've seen hit the top lists and I've just said, "blah - sounds like poo to me". :)

Snarkless in Seattle said...

Miss Snark:

You are right.

Falling in love with your rapist IS an old romance novel plot, which went out of favor in the seventies when the feminists protested mightily and Rosemary Rogers clones wore it out. Publishers do not consider those anymore. They used to call those things "love at first rape" books or "bodice rippers". Valentino's silent movie THE SHEIKH was one of these (I am told; I never did see it) so it comes and goes over time, but it is not new. It is not even recently old.

Mig said...

In addition to the missing hook, there were several missing commas that I found distracting.

HawkOwl said...

Boring. Plus you could have saved the last 200 words by just mentioning Stockholm syndrome.

call me clueless said...

Was there a rape mentioned in that synopsis? I didn't see one.

December Quinn said...

I enjoy non-traditional heroes. I enjoy bloodthirsty heroes. But I'd have a hard time believing a woman falling in love with a man she watched kill her boyfriend.

Undercover said...

Nora’s fear escalates when she sees her captors aren’t gang-bangers but highly trained mercenaries wanting information

Personally, I'd fear "gang-bangers" far more than "highly trained mercenaries".

Anonymous said...

Thing that would make this enticing for me is to make the half the hook about her personal quandry of falling for the guy, and the other half about the cool thing the captors are doing. Thing is, once the guy wastes someone that's innocent "ruthlessly", then it's pretty hard to justify having him end up as a protagonist.

Benja Fallenstein said...

I don't see anything about rape in the hook, but you're giving us reasons to dislike Adam and none to like him -- telling us that he's compassionate and protective doesn't help. So when you just tell us that she falls in love with the guy who killed her boyfriend, you lost any positive feelings I have about your book at that point.

I don't think it's impossible, but to make this work for me, I think you would have to give me some reasons to like him.

If you manage to overcome this problem, you still have no plot except for the love story. Assuming that you have a climax where Nora breaks out somehow, one option would be to end with a sentence or two about how the opportunity for this arises.

Oh, and if it were me, I'd lose everything in the last paragraph except title, word count, and genre -- agents don't care if you think your plot is interesting and imaginative. Read the Snarkives :-)