HHCom 4

FROGS IN MY UNDERPANTS is a 100,000 word women’s fiction.

May you always have courage to take a chance
And never find frogs in your underpants.
Irish Blessing

Mary Collins is a mess. On the morning of her husband’s funeral, she is about to be buried in financial ruin. The mysterious disappearance of her money is only one of the many “frogs” she is forced to cope with. Secrets her husband concealed about his sexual orientation during their marriage unfold themselves in unexpected ways. Spurning victimhood, she sets out to hone her financial skills and discovers her estate is being defrauded by design. A crooked lawyer, a confused priest, a surfer dude who practices law in his spare time, a mysterious Latino lover and an attractive Arizona “howdy” wobble her emotional balance, as she struggles to absorb these revelations,

Initially set in New Jersey, FROGS IN MY UNDERPANTS moves through Florida, Martha’s Vineyard, Arizona and back over a period of two years during the no rules, go-go late nineties. Revving up her courage, Mary, with passion and humor, develops insights into matters of her heart and her pocketbook and attains a true sense of independence.

Is there a plot?
Cause what you've outlined here is character development.
Plus that list of characters described by cliches (crooked lawyer? c'mon) is a list, not a hook.

You do however use that quote to good effect, and that's a plus for thinking you might be able to pull this one out of the boulllabaise and save it.


sister_clamp said...

Hey there 4:

I usually hate these kinds of novels, but I'd read yours. It sounds funny and interesting.


Mig said...

I don't get the quote, but maybe that's just me. Couldn't see its connection with the glimmer of a plot.

HawkOwl said...

I lost interest as soon as you had Frogs in my Underpants and "women's fiction" in one sentence. Disgusting imagery. But also, "spurning victimhood" is hilarious, and I wonder how you're gonna show the protagonist "honing her financial skills" if you don't even know she doesn't have an estate. Her husband has an estate. Unless you're talking about a bankrupt estate, which is not a very profitable thing to defraud.

Anonymous said...

The hook reminds me of Lolly Winston's "Good Grief," which did pretty well. The humor is the key.

Wabi Sabi said...

I love your quote: it's quirky, hooks my interest and sets the tone of the novel. Your hook is well-written, although I agree with Miss Snark that your character descriptions could be made more your own.

I don't understand, how on the one hand Miss Snark advised, pre-crapometer,that a hook shouldn't even faintly resemble a synopsis, and yet she complains that you do not have a plot. There has been commentary in the blog about degree of synopsis in the hook, but where then do you draw the line between 'plot' and 'synopsis'?

Anonymous said...

I've been lucky enough to read the draft of this novel - it's well worth the read!

Crit Sister

Anonymous said...

I like the idea, title, and presentation, but a two-year journey is too long. It's an invitation for the writer to wander all over the place and not get anything done.

Give her a specific problem(s) to solve and a goal to achieve(as in a plot!) and chop the timeline.

Heck, Lightning McQueen in Cars did his personal rehab thing in a week!

Anonymous said...

Being a guy, the women's issue books don't do much for me, but I would think that a cool profession of some sort and a "Count of Monte Cristo" maneuver on her part to get her money back could make it interesting. Of course, you may have that in your book, but it's not conveyed in the hook.

Virginia Miss said...

I like the title and the writing. I read a lot of women's fiction and this is something I'd pick up. Tweak your hook based on Miss Snark's comments, so you show a bit more of the conflict and action. Good luck!

Benja Fallenstein said...

I can't say anything about this, since what Miss Snark said were my thoughts precisely: there's no plot, only character, and the list of characters described by cliches is a list, not a hook. Sorry.

jamiehall said...

hawlowl said:
I wonder how you're gonna show the protagonist "honing her financial skills" if you don't even know she doesn't have an estate. Her husband has an estate.

Why doesn't she have an estate? Your comment seems to be either reading something into the query that isn't there, or referencing centuries-old laws about women never owning property (and I didn't see any hints that this is an historical novel).

CoyoteMom said...

Humor is the key here. I think you have something and I'm sure you can hone it down with a more stable plot. i would read.