12.15.2006

HHCom 6

When plague devastates his people, librarian Sal discovers a book that mentions a potential cure: an ancient perfume from Tefellen. His king orders him to look for it personally, leaving his family behind in the meantime. What if, Sal wonders, his daughters and wife are ill or worse by the time he gets back?

Kaysel, Empress of Tefellen, banned perfume from her lands two years ago, after her family was assassinated with a magicked scent. She employs a team of searchers, their only aim to find and destroy illegal fragrance. She certainly won't take kindly to those who come looking for it...


You've missed the most important part. If Kaysel, Queen of the Stinkies has banned perfume, surely Sal the Librarian is not going to find any. There has to be mention of some cache of perfume and the person who guards it. Without that, you have a deflated balloon for a plot...and no hook.

10 comments:

A Mini Mac said...

who is Sal?Where is this?When is this? needs a bit of plot setting, and some character development

Rei said...

Kaysel, Empress of Tefellen, banned perfume from her lands two years ago, after her family was assassinated with a magicked scent.

Does Kaysel perchance now have a job setting airport security guidelines for the Transportation Security Administration?

(I was initially going to write "I'm tired of seing such unrealistic, simpleminded characters in fantasy that overreact to events in a way that any idiot could tell is an overreaction that won't help a bit," but then I remembered our real-world equivalents at the TSA)

Rashenbo said...

Hehehe, the great perfume debate! I guess it could have potential. I like the names used... better than some I've seen.

HawkOwl said...

Um, what? It makes no sense and there is no "here is why you want to read this" part.

Anonymous said...

A nice smell cures the plague? Yeah, I can see dragging that one into an acquisitions meeting.

Pass.

Virginia Miss said...

Author, keep in mind that some of these commentors don't read or understand fantasy. I like your premise but you need to tighten up your writing. For example, change "His king orders him to look for it personally, leaving his family behind in the meantime." to "His king orders him to leave his family and look for it."

Benja Fallenstein said...

I don't know why I should care about these characters. I don't see anything to make the situation stand out. And I don't see any plot.

This doesn't work for me on any level. Sorry :-(

Anonymous said...

Well, I love fantasy and this hook still sucks. Why would the king entrust the future of the kingdom to just one librarian? Wouldn't he send a diplomatic team or something? A

Also, so far this plot is nothing that I haven't seen before in dozens of other books. What makes this book special?

batgirl said...

The Empress bans perfume. The huh? So, um, there are no flowers or aromatic herbs in all of Tefellen? Or there are, but they can't be put into oils, salves, or food?
I'm all for any book with a librarian as a hero, but this hook raises the wrong kind of questions, the kind that undermine the plausibility of the invented world, not the 'will Sal succeed, will his family fall sick' kind.

CoyoteMom said...

So, uhm, are "his people" other librarians?