OK to flog on the blog.
Dear Mrs. Clooney: (ZAP)
My novel, CRAP, CRAP, SLUSH, SLUSH is about a pygmy who snags a $500 million, 50 year contract to play basketball for the L.A. Lakers, despite the fact that he has only one arm, bursitis, and a serious limp in his left leg. He is not a cliché, in other words. It is heartwarming because, unlike other professional sports figures, he does not use his millions for the benefit of humanity. Instead he blows the whole wad on drugs, fast cars, and women who are four feet taller than he is. He is a role model to other sports figures as well as little children everywhere. Yes, he does use Viagra, and he does Viagra commercials when he is not dribbling whatever that thing is he dribbles. When it comes to money he has no shame.
This book will appeal to basketball fans who are tired of watching their tape of the last basketball game over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over again, and who want their fix from some other – um – source.
Please respond with a contract within 24 hours. I will take any advance in the eight figure range – even if it is at the low end.
Pages are ready.
There's no plot.