12.22.2006

Prime the Clue Gun

Emailer:
Hi,

I’ve read over at the Grumpy Old Bookman that you are looking at Hooks... Here is mine with a preceding brief synopsis.




Miss Snark:

the entry window closed for this. I already have 600+., Sorry


Emailer:

Would you be interested in looking at my book anyway?


Miss Snark:

No


Emailer:

LOL - Well Christmas cheer to you then.

Good luck with the optimistic outlook in the New Year.

35 comments:

Mutegi said...

Must be Christmas, you were rather nice to him IMHO

Anonymous said...

Jeeze, what a jerk you are Miss Snark. You're only reviewing 600+ hooks, on your own, with no compensation, to help out us newbie writers. Ya, you're such a grinch. ;-)

PS - Thank you for all the work you put into helping us out. Happy Holidays.

pisica said...

*confused* He's being sarcastic about your (alleged) (lack of) optimistic outlook?

Kind of interesting how information gets mangled. GOB describes the Crapometer thusly:

Her latest scheme is to offer 160 or so writers the opportunity to send in a 250-word outline, or hook, for a book, in the hope of grabbing her attention.

If there had been a 160 writer limit, I definitely would have gotten up in the middle of the night to send mine!

pjm said...

Breathe, dear Miss Snark, breathe.

Sheesh.

Perhaps your bog header should be in red and flashing. Nah. That still wouldn't help the idiots.

Marti said...

Thank you for the priceless insights and guffaws this week. I've read many aloud to the family. We anxiously await more Snarkoliciousness.

Anonymous said...

hehe - thanks, that made me giggle.

Anonymous said...

That's going to be my new tactic with agents. "Would you like to look at my book anyway?" It's gold, I tell ya!

Anonymous said...

A new pen pal.

nut said...

I missed the crapometer, again? Nooooo!!!

On the other hand, 600+ submissions... So, maybe it's a good thing, that I didn't submit. Plus, I hear some folks have nut related alergies, and I wouldn't want to make folks sick.

Off to read the work of the brave ones.

Anonymous said...

You know what's really funny, he's asking if she'll take a look at his book. I think he really means a book. You know, 475,000 pages of "I hate my job, someone please buy this so I can quit and live in the Carribean" novel.

The Unpretentious Writer said...

lol! "How the Snark Stole Christmas"!

angrylil'asiangirl said...

how miss snark should have responded:

miss snark: merry christmas to you, too. now f!@k off before i deck your balls.

Eleora said...

Miss Snark, you should have given said e-mailer the SECRET e-mail address for the Happy Hooker (So You Want to Get Snarked?) Fan club.

uranitwit@wtf.comma

mojo said...

Yanno, yesterday--after you explained for the umpteenth time it was NOT a contest and you were NOT doling out prizes and the window for submissions was LONG CLOSED--

...I admit I briefly *toyed* with the idea of asking you, in jest, WHERE to send my brilliant submission, WHAT prize I would win with my breathtaking prose, and the assurance that you would CERTAINLY make an exception to your elitist, insider-driven, High Art-destroying, petty, selfish, moronic "rules" once you were subjected to my obvious GEEEEN-yuss.

I thought it would be an amusing joke. Little did I realize how many nitwits you were STILL fending off for REAL.

I apologize for even THINKING of doing it.

Anonymous said...

Arrr, ye look like a hardy lass, Miss Snark. Are you SURE ye wouldn't care to cast a weather eye at my hook?

Captain Jas Hook

cm allison said...

I still think the ones you placed the bets with, that you lost, are the ones who sabotaged the web. The bet winners should be keeping your pail full!

Take a break and let KY show off his new tam and booties. (How does he keep them on in his squirrel war? Inquiring minds would like to know.)

Anonymous said...

Break out the Cluezooka!

Hypergraphia said...

Boy, you editors sure are selfish!

Seriously, I'm kinda peeved this guy took up her time when she's still got over half to go. Pig.

And how do people know if they haven't already queried Miss Snark IRL? Tread carefully folk....

Snark on MS...snark on.

Wabi Sabi said...

Snark! The Herald Angels sing.

Here they come, to bear his soul away to purgatory.

BuffySquirrel said...

I don't think a mere clue gun is going to cut it on this occasion, Snarky. Try a clue tank. Or SPG.

cm allison said...

Nut, you mean this isn't a guaranteed million plus book publishing? I shouldn't have quit my day job in anticipation of winning this contest? That I have to actually listen to her Snarkiness and then query agents ON MY OWN? She won't just get some publisher to fall on his knees in anticipation of my creation? Oh, please don't tell me this is so! How could you be so cruel? How can I live after such disappoinment? (And can I get my job back?)

Rashenbo said...

LOL!!!! :)

charles said...

the capital H in "Hooks" is my favorite part.

Jim Oglethorpe said...

Dumbascus.

MichaelPH said...

Presumptious, rude...just LOL to anything to show contempt/mockery to anything these days. I'm sure with such startling cluelessness & rudeness you'll have no problem getting that masterwork published.

nut said...

cm allison, arrrgh you kidding?

Being touched by Miss Snark's Cluegun is the highes honour a writer can ask for. Publishing? Bah! I'd rather get snarked.

Anywho, you should consider your self lucky, cause my stuff contents high nut percentage. So, had I posted, you might get alergies. Therefore, rejoice.

My eyes are puffy now, and Ogre won't like that...

Next time, next time I'll make it to the crapometer!

If Miss Snark allows me, that is. Otherwise it's heartbreak city, once again.

eunuch said...

Warning! Warning! Eunuch is on the rampage, writing tasteless sub-poetry to his heroes... Too late.



A Straight to Miss Snark.

So she raises her stilleto,
And the nitwit goes bye-bye...
For she's not some soft marshmallow,
She's a frozen ice cream pie.

Look out snarkies,
Here come sharkies.
Look out snarkies!
Crunch, munch. Aye.

How could anyone not love her?
I'll adore her, till I die.

bjh said...

I suspect there was some conceit behind the cluelessness. You should be optimistic that this particular writer's book would be the one to make you yell, "Eureka! This is the one I've been searching for all my life! Now I can retire rich!"

Okay, I'm being harsh. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Inez said...

The divine Miss Snark's misstep
was to apologize to the clueless.
Dear dear---

Anonymous said...

Miss Snark, a suggestion for the rest of the Crapometer: create an auto-response for your email that says, "If you've emailed me to submit a hook it's too late, if you're sending me pages I requested I'll get back to you, etc." That way you won't have to take the time to respond to clueless people.

Bella Stander said...

To one of the anons:
You are confusing James Hook with Long John Silver. Captain Hook went to a toff public (USA: private) school, in which he learned to speak impeccably accented English (see the 1950s TV production w/ Cyril Ritchard) and obsess about "good form," which he lacked and Peter Pan had in spades. It's all in Mr. Barrie's book--one of my all-time favorites.

Anonymous said...

What, you won't make an EXCEPTION for this writer? How dare you withhold any of his entitlements from him, Miss Snark!

heidi said...

If there had been a 160 writer limit, I definitely would have gotten up in the middle of the night to send mine!

Had there been a 160 writer limit, I would have sent mine in the first thirty seconds, ne'ermind the first thirty minutes.

JPD 160 said...

Had there been a 160 writer limit, mine would have sounded the death-knell of the Crap-O-Meter.

JPD (be careful what you wish for)

Anonymous said...

Bella--

Yes, actually I DO know, but it's so difficult to sound sufficiently piratical when one has an Eton accent...

Captain Jas. Hook