1.18.2007

Another Candidate for the Vat

When are you next accepting synopsis for review?


When my buddy Satan starts skating to work.
When Brady Westwater starts writing gothic romance.
When the low slung gin fizz isn't funny.
When Miss Calhoun starts swearing.
When Miss Snark stops swilling gin.


Hilarity aside, let's all remember that this blog isn't my job. It's more like my nemesis. That crapometer sucked up a MONTH of after-work hours, and holiday days.

The next one is far far far off ...if ever.

25 comments:

cm allison said...

Ignore the nit-wits, Miss Snark; obviously the person asking that question had absolutely no clue. We Snarkies are still amazed you managed all that you did, and wonder if you got to enjoy the holidays at all! Go play with KY, put your feet up, have a nice dry martini, and watch a George C movie. You deserve it!

Just Me said...

Good for you, Miss S!

If eager writers can't learn from the archives of the Crapometer(which I'm sure you will post separately), they can't learn at all.

The Crapometer has to be the finest example of real-life critique on the web. Please coast on your laurels for at least another eon.

Best wishes,
Just Me

Maria said...

Mind you, it's possible to learn from those that are already done. They are still out there and readable. It ain't all about getting "yours" critiqued. I'm quite sure if people read through all the crapometers they can find something similar to their own work--mistakes and all.

Anonymous said...

Like someone said already, if you didn't learn how to write a hook from reading those six hundred entries, you ain't never gonna learn how.

Don said...

If there is another CoM, don't do everything that comes in. There were a lot of repetitive entries in terms of what worked and what didn't work. About 100 would have been plenty. Select by random draw, or whatever it takes, but don't do several hundred entries ever again.

Brady Westwater said...

On a dark and stormy night, Cowboy Westwater - after being transported back to the 17th Century moors of Western Scotland - carried the fair maid Snark off on his trusty steed.

He then removed her chastity belt with the aid of an often used spur at which time she exclaimed - she may have your way with me but only if I do not have to do another Crapometer.

Anonymous said...

"The next one is far far far off ...if ever."

... says the addict. :)

Anonymous said...

Good for you, Miss Snark.

Anonymous said...

How about just first lines?

Anonymous said...

"There were a lot of repetitive entries in terms of what worked and what didn't work."

Yep. I kept thinking how much less work there'd have been if the actual COM had been precided by a dry run featuring, say, 25 entries, 15 of which would have been disposed of with "This isn't a hook."

And then there could be a call for further entries, with the caveat that although everything would be read (or at least glanced through), anything that was a first page rather than a hook, or a WTF? rather than a hook, would not be put up with comments.

'Cause, really, if the people who submitted non-hooks couldn't figure out what they did wrong after seeing 15 examples of first pages and WTFs, then they're not ready to play this game.

Bonnie Calhoun said...

hey...hey...heyyy!!!

That was good!

I dunno if I'd use me...I've been pretty close lately! ROFLOL

Anonymous said...

Two-hour submission window, Miss Snark! Two-hour submission window!

December Quinn said...

You know, I had a long involved comment about synopsis singular versus synopses plural, but it's just too difficult so never mind.

judy said...

Does that mean that the CoM has headed out of town again?

K Rainwater said...

We really do appreciate you, Miss Snark. Here's hoping you have time for that dry martini while watching George as KY is sneaking gin from the pail...

Anonymous said...

Imagine if you had charge $20 per critique...gin money!

Anonymous said...

Hundreds of examples weren't enough? Really? If you're really worried about your writing specifically GO TO A CRITIQUE GROUP don't hound Miss Snark.

Anonymous said...

surely 'synopses'? Good first rule of writing: don't use words you can't pluralise.

mojo said...

No, several hundred hooks aside, doing everything MANUALLY on a blog takes up WAY too much time, not even counting the thought going into each one.

I would suggest for any future CoMs to automate most of the work. Have all this freakin' technology work FOR you for once. I am quite familiar with a content management system that could conceivably take a lot of the grunt work out of it. Hook writers could post their own work, instead of you manually cutting and pasting it into the blog. Then have the Snarkling community vote on which ones deserve the Stiletto Treatment. All automated and compiled by the system, of course, one vote per IP, all that good stuff.

Miss Snark could then roust herself from her lounge chair (being fanned by a certain slaveboy named George) and review the top twenty, thirty, or however many she feels like.

It could ALSO be automated that, if people want to submit their hooks, they'd need to paypal a couple of bucks into a fund. At the end of the Crapometer the community could then vote on a deserving charity to give the money to. Sort of like Bob and Ray's Philanthropic Council to Make Things Nicer--only more like The Misanthropic Council to Make the World Slightly Less Crappy. Personally I'd plump for some sort of literacy program, but whatever.

It could all be automated, like I said, right down to the community voting and official Asking for Pages. If there is enough interest, I could build a sort of test site for us to play around with. If it works, great. If it doesn't meet everyone's needs, no harm done....

Just an idea.

Heidi the Hick said...

That was the best writing school I've ever not physically gone to.

I may not get a chance to send a query to Miss Snark but I have a much better query to send to agents now!

M. G. Tarquini said...

Two-hour submission window, Miss Snark! Two-hour submission window!

Two-second submission window! Two-second submission window! And throw out the first half! Then throw out the rest of it!

Aaaahhhh.

A Paperback Writer said...

To Brady Westwater,
Hmmm. That's not a bad story idea, rather original, but I'm sure that Mark will tell you it won't sell anywhere and you do have that odd pronoun shift in the second paragraph.....
Well, if it's set in Scotland, I'd probably keep reading, even if it is crappy. :)

muzpet: what one buys for the neighbors' two constantly barking black labs

Curious Author said...

How about when George Clooney kisses you and proposes with a ring forsaking all others?

Anonymous said...

I can't see Snarkest confined to one man - even Clooney. Imagine what the rest of us XY'ers miss! (hey, who knows, reaching the bottom of her gin pale, maybe one of us gets luc ... ah, probably not!

Haste yee back ;-)

I'd fix breakfast!

Richard Lewis said...

I knew a guy who climbed Everest. He said "never again." And guess what, three years later...

I also know a landlubber guy who crewed for sailor for a free ride to Australia and ended up in a life raft for a week. He too said "never again," and he meant it.