You know how much Miss Snark loves Satan..well, when the Devils Dictionary (publishing versions) turned up again here and here, Miss Snark felt the call of the brimstone as well.
A is for Agent. There is a reason A leads the pack. Agents are the top of the heap.
B is for Barnes and Noble. Noble barns full of coffee swilling readers and the occasional buyer whose demand for rotating stock, low prices and new merchandise is largely responsible for the death of the midlist, the demise of indie bookstores, the death of authors, the odd lightning strike, the massacre in Rabbitania, and the deaths of all bunnies and kitties this month.
C is for Costco. Fewer readers, steeper discounts. Otherwise, see above.
D is for Dog. Dogs are the new reading aids in schools. Every school should have a dog.
E is for Eclectic. Eclectic list means an agent can't figure out what s/he's good at selling.
F is for Foreign Rights Sales. Foreign Rights sales means all trips to Europe are tax deductible.
G is for Galley. Galleys are when you find out the author has thanked her nail technician for being a good listener (cause she only speaks Vietnamese) and her hair stylist but not her agent.
H is for Histrionics. Histrionics are what ensues when author discovers editor is a nitwit and editor discovers author is a nitwit and agent knew both were nitwits and wishes them on each other.
I is for Invoice. Invoice is what Miss Snark would like to send to editors who say "just send it to me" to everything and have bought nothing from her for five years.
J is for Jitney. Jitney is also the get away car, used to flee the scene of the grime on summer weekends.
K is for Kill Fee. This is the fee Miss Snark pays to the Franciscan Friars everytime she plans your murder. Or your editor's murder. Or your suicide/murder.
L is for Libel. Libel is calling Miss Snark nice, kind or any other actionable word including but not limited to "sweet, darling, gentle, melodious, sugary or lovable".
M is for Motion Picture Rights. Motion Picture Rights are useful for giving authors hope of making more than lemonade stand wages in any given year.
N is for Net Income. Net income is how crafty publishers acquire intellectual property for no money down, and no money ever.
O is for Out of Print. Out of print is when the publisher won't print any more, can't find any more in the warehouse, and still lists the book as "on backorder" so the rights don't revert.
P is for Printer's Errors. Printer's Errors are always the reason the agent doesn't get thanked in the acknowledgments.
Q is for Qualifications. Qualifications for agents include the ability to listen to complete and utter bullshit from authors, editors, publishers, clients, publicists, bookstore event managers, and writing conference organizers with a totally straight face.
R is for Remainders. Remainders cause hissy fits in authors and require therapeutic applicants of Motion Picture Rights balm; also a display of Agent Qualifications.
S is for Suggested Retail Price. By printing a SRP on the actual product, it is what makes sure when quantity is limited a bookstore can't do the logical thing and raise price. Ignore all lessons you learned in Econ 101: Microeconomics.
T is for Thesaurus. Thesaurus is where authors find 101 ways to say "said".
U is for National Writers Union. The Writer is right. The agent is wrong. The publisher is wrong. Always.
V is for Vetting. Vetting done by the Smoking Gun gets you on Oprah.
W is for World Rights. World Rights are generally those demanded by small publishers with no distribution who print books in their basement and sell on the net and are sure they are going to strike it rich.
X is for Xmas. Xmas is a one day holiday that requires all of publishing to shut down for two weeks, and "ease back into work" for another five days.
Y is for Yea. "Yea" is the phrase meaning "I understand everything you say, the irony of it in relation to my question/answer, and we should indulge is some meaningless flirting soon". Coined by Aaron Sorkin.
Z is for Zoroastrians. Zoroastrian's funeral rites involve rapacious creatures
consuming the corpus of dead people. See also: Literary heirs.