2.24.2007

Shelf position

Dear Miss Snark,

I’m determined to be a successful author, despite the fact that my writing is abysmal. And I’m not about to waste my valuable time learning to be a good writer, either. Instead, I’m going to legally change my name so it’s identical to a famous writer. That way people will buy my book, thinking it was written by the famous person.

Here’s my question. Whose name do you think I should use?

Dummy

or if you want two names

Complete Idiot

9 comments:

dan said...

When I was young(er) and didn't like my last name, I used to think I could anglify it (or whatever the word is, I just woke up--anglicize?) to Brown. Dan Brown, I'd have been then.

One day the Da Vinci Code came out. I thought: that bastard! How dare he steal what once was my would-be pseudonym. (I'd long-since reconciled myself to my real name.)

However, now, anyone who knows I'm writing a book and knows my name makes comments about the similarity. People cocking a brow oh-so-smartly and mock-accusing me of something to do with Dan Brown or the Da Vinci Code is more common, now, than people (in an office environment at least) calling me "Dan the Man". (If you know someone named Dan, you ask them. Go, ask. How many times in their life has someone addressed them as Dan the Man.)

But hey if (I mean when, ehem) my book gets published I guess I'll be placed near Dan Brown's stuff on the shelves... which can't be a bad thing... I guess/hope.

Anonymous said...

I often suggest Richard Cranium as a pen name. ;) -- Evil Genius

Anonymous said...

The only Dan I ever knew we called Dan the Green Man. I don't know why, as he wasn't green in any sense of the word.

In my pathetically elaborate fantasies, my nom de plume will be Robertsa, or possibly Evanovici, causing my books to be snuggled within easy grabbing range of gallingly undeserving megasellers.

BenPanced said...

Ima Nidjiot.

Kit Whitfield said...

Anglicise is commoner, I think. (Or Anglicize, if you're American.)

Anonymous said...

I actually heard a JetBlue gate agent calling her standby list, and among it were these two names, in sequence:
Lily Cho
Yiu Ho

(read it out loud)
The next time she read the standby list, Ms. Ho was not to be heard.

B.Rodda said...

I think we all fell into a well-loaded satire trap here.

Janet Black said...

You probably don't need to steal a name. If 'Bridges of Madison County' can get published and become the #1 best seller with such abysmal writing, so can yours.

Miss Interpreted said...

Wait....


....



.... I get it!

Oh. Nope-- hold on. No, I don't.

*goes back and reads again.*



Sincerely,

Iggy N. (Or Amos)