Idols of March Writing Contest Results!

Well, at long last I’ve finished reading all 200 entries. Some were disqualified for a variety of reasons so there were about 192 actual competitors for the First Last and Only Idols of March Writing Contest.

There was an amazingly high percentage of good work considering the word use requirements, the short amount of time AND the 100 word limit.

Herewith the results:

Two entries reminded me of great words I hadn’t used in a while:
Wang Chung! (90)
Snivel (77)

Two entries used the Space Ark hilarity to great effect:

Seven entries eschewed “the usual suspects” and did some interesting things with form:

Three entries had to use the Topic That Will Not Die: SASE. They all made me laugh!

One entry is cited for Best Suck Up of the Day:

Several interesting revelations about Mr. Lazar:

He owns a compound (19), and a weekend house on the Niger River (160)
He’s in fact Miss Snark (28), who is of course also a girl (152) and a drag queen (46)
He’s a missile man (55)
He bowls! (73)
He’s a vampire! (97), and an executioner (180)
He’s a real estate broker (101), a master thief (107) a secret agent (117) a heartbreaker (122) and of course a hero (136).

He has a teddy bear tattoo (141) goes bungee jumping (151), and kidnaps dogs (157).

But mostly Dan Lazar is a rock god (179)

Some entries were funny but horrifyingly true:

The award for use of ‘non-jack’ reacher goes to #64 for Reacher, West Virginia.

The award for best use of the word ‘helicopter’ goes to #138

There were 22 entries that stood out from the pack:

The first 15 are:


These 3 are really good:

These three are very good:

Third place goes to: 92

Second place goes to: 118

First place goes to: 170

I remain astounded by the wealth of creativity in the readers of this blog.
It was crazy to do this contest, but it was worth it!


Anonymous said...

Congratulations, 170, whoever you are!

This was so much fun -- for the devotion of Snarklings, if not for our dear MS (and the many-times-dead Dan Lazar). Again, thank you, Miss Snark. Drain the gin pail and sleep all day tomorrow -- you deserve it!

Anonymous said...

This was fun! Will we be doing this again next month?


Anonymous said...

I'm glad I didn't enter. I would have produced an entry almost identical in form to one of the ones that I think really stands out as an excellent submission. That entry was passed without comment.

Anonymous said...

WooHoo! Best Suck Up!

I am honored! Thanks, Miss Snark

Lucky # 13

angie said...

Congrats to 170 & all the other fab entries!

Miss Snark, you're coo-coo for CoCo Puffs for doing this. There's gotta be a less time-consuming, hair-pulling, google-tweaker way to get yer kicks!

Anonymous said...

Wowza. Seeing the wealth of creativity in this group, I can tell I have some creativity issues. This is going to be some fun work!

Anonymous said...

Congrats 170!

Thank you, Miss Snark. You have expanded my brain to another whole new dimension.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations to everyone for doing such a wonderful job! I was impressed with all the talent and creativity. There were some brilliant entries that didn't win top Snark prizes, but they're brilliant nonetheless.

Thank you so much, Miss Snark, for holding this contest and finding a way to post all the entries.

Sam said...

I am amazed by the creative entries - bravo all the finalists and three cheers for the winner - and hat's off to everyone for doing such great work with so few words on such a tight deadline!

Craig Steffen said...

Dear Miss Snark,

You do realize that once the Google crawl hits this page, the search statistics for Dan Lazar are going to be permanently skewed. :-)

Anonymous said...

Fascinating insight into Miss Snark's taste!

And I can stop wondering whether she might be the agent for me... as I suspect she would hate my stuff.

Kitty said...

In the "22 entries that stood out from the pack," you listed #67 twice.

Colleen said...

Thanks for the opportunity to play. It was lots of fun. I can't believe how quickly you had everything posted and evaluated. Congratulations and thanks again for your efforts.

Elle said...

Congratulations, #170!

I wrote #64 and I am *thrilled* with my honorable mention! Much more than I expected.

Thanks, Miss Snark, this was a lot of fun!


Anonymous said...

Any word from Dan Lazar on all of this idolatry?

Adored # 170!

Jaye Wells said...

Congrats 170 and everyone else who entered. Also, thanks to Dan Lazar for being such a handsome and talented person.*

*The fact I killed him off and then put my name on the entry has no bearing on the above statement.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, everyone! Bad Luck and Trouble is coming my way. I hope Lee Child is as good a read as many of these entries. Thank you again, Miss Snark.

Best regards,

Sandra Cormier said...

Once again, I slide into obscurity, sans the distinction of even being bad. It did garner an AAAACCCK, however. I guess that's something.

Oh well, it was fun, and I kinda wrote it in 1.5 minutes and made the deadline by about thirty seconds, while at the same time trying to get three newspapers to the press on time.

Elektra said...

*does Snoopy dance at honourable mention*

krw3b said...

Great balls afire (ouch) that was a hoot!!

Thanks, MS for the "really good," and the really good time. Enjoy your gin pail. Hell, have a gin bath!


Anonymous said...

As the author of #25, I am honored to have floated to the top 22 in Miss Snark's list.

Thank you for the distinction, Miss Snark. If only procuring an agent were this simple...

Anonymous said...

Not yet "in" enuf to master Reacher, Lazar, SASE or Lit Agent inuendo, let alone humor, I'm grateful anyway for the opportunity to contribute.
Somebody read me so now I am sure I'm a writer. Do I qualify as a Snarkling for just showing up? Maybe just a Snarkl**g.
Now I need to go turn in all my Soda Pop cans and purchase some clue sticks for the cluegun.
Congrats to 170, 118 & 92.
Maybe MS wears Prada, but she's an angel to me.

Anonymous said...

It's been a terrible, terrible month for me. Mother has breast cancer; young son has diabetes; the cat died; and another rejection letter telling me how talented I am, but...Thanks for the honorable mention. It's silly; I know. But I really needed that right now.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations to #170, and all the wildly creative snarklings! I'm new to the devotion, and so happy to have found this cyber-place. Thank you, Miss Snark!

Anonymous said...

Although I didn't enter, the contest and its results are thoroughly entertaining.

Thanks for taking the trouble to post the contest!

Sandra Cormier said...

Elektra, I hate you. And by that I mean I'm proud of you. Which one was yours?

Mine went down the toidy.

d said...

Thanks for the entertainment! Congrats to #170! I adored that one. :-D

I thought all of the entries were much better than the previous contest. Even the "alrighty then" variety were better than before.

In fact the WTF?'s seemed a better quality WTF? than usual. ha.

I thought this was loads of fun!

LadyBronco said...

How fun!
I enjoyed all the stories. :0)

Congrats #170!

Anonymous said...

I can die happy, knowing that I recieved an honorable mention from Miss Snark.

Congrats to Kenneth, and everyone else who was brave enough to attempt this crazy assignment.

Miss Snark, do you think you can convince Mr. Lazar to make a statement? I mean, we all know how Bat Segundo felt about being immortalized in such a way. Let's hear it from The Dan.


A Paperback Writer said...

Congrats to 170, but 148 was my favorite.

Kate Thornton said...

I am so proud to have recieved Third Place for #92 - I really enjoyed writing it, but not half as much as I enjoyed reading *ALL* the other entries - you guys are awesome! And congrats to everyone who entered. 170 & 118 - fabulous!

Anonymous said...

I was totally surprised at how much I liked these. While some stood out for me more than others in a subjective sense, they were all very good. And it makes you wonder just how many snarklings there really are out there.

Anonymous said...

My fav was #54 and that wasn't mine either. Glad to see it got mentioned.

I'm still laughing.

Anonymous said...

I sent in #54. Guess I'll try a blender filled with Gin next time.

Congrats #170! :D

McKoala said...

Seconding somebody above that the general standard seemed much higher than last time. Could be we're all learning something here...

Congrats to all the winners!

Chris Eldin said...

Number 170, you made me look up Pyncheon Elm. Then I had to go to Nathaniel Hawthorne. Next stop is Borders, because I've never read that book, but now I can't wait.

Thanks for the education, and congratulations!!

And Thanks to Miss Snark for picking this. Now that I get it, I agree it deserves to win!

Mark said...

The only thing I can tell you about Lazar is he responsed quickly and doesn't want any of my books to date. Well that's two things.