Dear Miss Snark,
A while back it dawned on me that many authors only became famous after they died. I thought, well hell it’s worth a try, so I faked my own death. The strategy worked, and my scholarly tome is being published next month. But now I have two problems (well, aside from the IRS), and I’m hoping you can help me.
Number one, book signings are going to be problematic. How do you suggest I handle those?
Number two, I’m almost done with my second novel. It’s going to look suspicious if a dead guy suddenly comes out with a new book. Should I claim it was penned by a ghost writer?
Not to worry. Make sure the signings are at night, arrive in a hearse with a spider eating associate and people will know you're a vampire. They won't bat an eyelash.
As to the second book, again, not to worry. We all know deathless prose when we see it.