3.12.2007

Merely mortal? Not to worry

Dear Miss Snark,

A while back it dawned on me that many authors only became famous after they died. I thought, well hell it’s worth a try, so I faked my own death. The strategy worked, and my scholarly tome is being published next month. But now I have two problems (well, aside from the IRS), and I’m hoping you can help me.

Number one, book signings are going to be problematic. How do you suggest I handle those?

Number two, I’m almost done with my second novel. It’s going to look suspicious if a dead guy suddenly comes out with a new book. Should I claim it was penned by a ghost writer?


Not to worry. Make sure the signings are at night, arrive in a hearse with a spider eating associate and people will know you're a vampire. They won't bat an eyelash.

As to the second book, again, not to worry. We all know deathless prose when we see it.

16 comments:

Heidi the Hick said...

Ok, how about writing a novel about faking your own death in order to publish a successful novel, and all the perils to follow?

I'd read that.

Renfield.

nitwitness said...

H.B. Marcus is writing? Again? Didn't you kill yourself off with your first book? ;)

Dave said...

I remember an old, old jazz tale by Steve Allen who once owned up to publishing a jazz recording by an old, dead black man. It was great jazz and sold really well.

We all know where this is headed. Huh?

The piano part was played Steve Allen to see if his success was his name or his jazz. And he wanted to play different jazz wihtout a hassle by critics or fans.

He was caught because he overdubbed a descant, a third hand, onto some of the tracks and one of the jazz player/composers listened too closely and recognized the piano was three hands.

Obviously neither dead, black or alien.

Brady Westwater said...

I just read the first six GOOGLE hits for H.B. Marcus, ending with 'reader' reviews of his own book based up the supplied excerpt.

Now there's a story that demands to be told - but you'd have to be a combination of Kafka, Max Schulman and Mary Shelley to do it justice.

Kim Stagliano said...

Renfrew, where is my MontBlanc?! Why not take the Vincent Lardo role? He picked up the writing of the Archie McNally series when Lawrence Sanders died. You can make yourself anyone you'd like!

John B said...

There were at least six Tupac Shakur albums released after he died. Maybe your new books can be 'found' in your archives.

I think you've found the key...

Bernita said...

Meta-morphs!
~sheesh~

Anonymous said...

Robert Ludlum has been writing from beyond the grave for years. Just find a friend to sogn on as co-author.

kd

BernardL said...

Yea, my son says if I'd kick off, they'd have a better chance of selling my manuscripts. :)

EGP said...

kd -

That's not Robert Ludlum from beyond the grave, it's all just a vast conspiracy. . .

egp (author of a soon-to-be-submitted conspiracy thriller first novel)

Manic Mom said...

Hey, VC Andrews has been doing it for years.

CreativityVacuum said...

I think you should've planned better. If you're going to fake your death, you have to then create a new identity and 'will' that person all your manuscripts. He/you can simply state that while he was alive, he wrote several manuscripts that he/you can trickle out onto the market. Simple.

Anonymous said...

Love this!

Your third novel could be about an author who fakes his own death.

I've just noticed this has already been suggested - it's a hot one!

bookbabie said...

bookbabie has decided to simply cut off her ear to get attention and mail it to Judith Regan.

Anonymous said...

nitwitness said...

"H.B. Marcus is writing? Again? Didn't you kill yourself off with your first book?"

Oh drat! You took the words right out of my fingers. First thing I thought was that the poor man was making a comeback and what a travesty that would be.

A Paperback Writer said...

You could always quote Mark Twain: "Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated."