Miss Snark's Irregular Writing Contest Returns!

Periodically Miss Snark takes leave of her senses and runs a writing contest.
No entry fee.
One prize.

The Idols of March Writing Contest will open for a VERY brief window on Friday, 3/23. 5pm East Coast time. (that means do NOT send it till then)

100 words MAXIMUM. NO exceptions.

Prize: (you must have a US mailing address to receive this) the brand new, not yet for sale, Lee Child novel Bad Luck and Trouble, signed by the amazing Mr. Child himself and wrested from the claws of Grandmother Snark ...well, let's just say she's still reading which is why the contest is tomorrow.

You must use ALL of these words (but you can use them any way you choose):

Dan Lazar

Miss Snark picks the winner. All decisions are final. NO whining, or complaining allowed. Rule enforcer: Grandmother Snark AND her hatpin.

Post your questions in the comment section.



McKoala said...

OK, this is so anal, but in previous contests Snarklings have been disqualified for less...some of the words here start with upper case/some don't - do you care?! (other than 'Dan Lazar' unless we're going all ee cummings)

If you're looking for them, I saw your senses run down my street about an hour or so ago.

Anonymous said...

As a recently converted snarkling, I'm wondering about how this writing contest works. Obviously the words given are to be included in the 100, but are the 100 words submitted to be a fragment or is this more of a flash fiction thing?

Miss Snark said...

Don't worry about the caps.

The more complete the story, the better your chances, but you can send whatever you want.

Anonymous said...

Dear Miss S,

You said there was a brief window starting at 5:00 p.m. but what's the closing time? I fear you've set yourself up for a deluge!

Just Trying To Be Helpful

Bonnie S. Calhoun said...

I'm going to chalk it up to gin-laced canapes...

Have a wonderful reading weekend!

Anonymous said...

So the window starts at 5 pm east coast time? What is that Pacific time, 2 pm? And when does it end? I keep thinking that I missed a part of the instuctions somewhere.

Can we give it a title? Is the title part of the 100 word count? Can I think of any more questions to bother you with? No, I think I'm fresh out!

I am a Snark contest virgin. I can't wait!

*Sherri* said...

For some reason I read it to mean that we had to have it in by 5pm hmmmm

Anonymous said...

Long-time reader, first-time writer has this initial reaction: Wunnerful!! I'm doing all I can not to use the designated terms in this comment.
[Sound of face being slapped]
Two questions for now:
1. Can alternate spellings be used, i.e gryphon??
2. Would it be horribly wrong to kill off Dan Lazar? I've never even e-mailed, let alone met, the guy???

Unknown said...

I can't post at 5PM tomorrow, but I already wrote my piece and can't stand not to share it.


“Words are loaded pistols,” a zephyr whispered to Dan Lazar. He teetered further over the precipice, searching the night sky. Flurries of dust, tail-chasing and dizzy, swam in a moonbeam. He followed them with his eyes to the street far below.

Suddenly it was there, rotor chopping empty space, drowning him in wind. Like a mythical griffin, the helicopter hovered with eerie grace. Dan recognized Reacher from his snazzy, if tattered, beret. The gray-haired soldier launched a manuscript at Dan’s head, stunning him.

“Your rejection was cruel. My writing group loved my spy novel!”

Dan shrugged. “Hell is other readers.”

Miss Snark said...

NO alternate spellings. Alternate meansings are encouraged.

I like Dan Lazar a lot but if he must die, it's in a noble cause.

Anonymous said...

Damn, yo! How the fuck do I submit my awesome entry?

(Sorry Senorra Snark; me new)

Wyatt Roberts said...

What's the method of delivery here, Miss Snark? I'm assuming email's what you want, but I don't have your address.

r louis scott said...

OK, I've put this on my Outlook calendar for tomorrow-

"2:00 PM, Submit to Miss Snark"

I'm already feeling a little sweaty.

Anonymous said...

Hmm. I'm a long-time reader, Friday's my birthday, and I've never entered one of Miss Snark's anythings. If the window's long enough this might be the charm. What say, Miss S? Leave it open long enough for us west coasters to get home from our day?

If not, I don't blame you. You'll have enough to read. If so, I've already written mine and am excited to send it.

Anonymous said...

1) At only 100 words, must we send this as an attachment, or is it fine in the body of our e-mail?

2) At only 100 words, some folks could make multiple stories. I assume that we must chose one for the sake of your sanity?


Anonymous said...

Looking forward to this writing contest. Good luck to all.

Anonymous said...

Can we use plurals of the words? Like moonbeams? The word is still in there!

rooruu said...

If an entrant doesn't have a US addy, do you mind posting the prize (if won) to a useful US destination like the NY Public Library?

(They have the original Winnie the Pooh toys at one Manhattan branch, and although I object to the circumstances which resulted in them being held captive on the wrong side of the Atlantic, far from home, I don't hold it against the library).

Otherwise, I'm sure there's another good cause - a mobile library or hospital library or local library in a disadvantaged area of NY - that you could send it to - yes?

Unknown said...

Yeah, I've got a question: Do you have enough ammo in the clue gun for these dumb questions? I mean, come on, "I don't have your email address", and, we can infer, not many clues either...

Anonymous said...

Oh, good! I love these contests. I don't enter because I stink at this kind of thing, but I love to read the entries!

Anonymous said...

Damn. I was going to clean the house today. I guess that's shot all to hell.

Anonymous said...

Oh my giddy aunt, that's four ayem tomorrow morning my time!

I assume the usual twelve-hour window, or do are you going for a shorter window?

Anyhoo, I'll give it a shot and post mine as soon as I'm awake tomorrow and hope I'm not too late... again.

(P.S. Yes, I do have a US mailing address. I'm just not there at the moment.)

wordver: pangrkcy

Anonymous said...

Are you sorry yet?

Kate said...

Who on earth is Dan Lazar???

Sihaya said...

"Rule enforcer: Grandmother Snark AND her hatpin."

I'm sure that I will be stabbed by a very fine hatpin - one topped with real mother-of-pearl or tiger-eye. Such a pin would behoove the understated elegance of a real lady. Delightful!

Anonymous said...

He called himself Griffin, a favourite mythic beast from childhood, and he was a reacher, ambition vaulting over talent.

In the shadow of bushes he remembered the beginning. His year-six teacher, Miss Lazar, had a pencil sharpener on her desk, helicopter-shaped. The blades turned the pencil sharpened. He and Dan tried to steal it; its snazzy mechanics blinded their moral vision. Dan was caught red handed by Miss Lazar and given detention, but he wouldn't tell on Griffin. That was the beginning.

Tonight he handed Griffin the wire cutters, breathless, "Quickly, Griff."

The mansion beyond lingered in moonbeams.

98 words
Just joining in for fun, as I don't live in the US, and can't win even if I could win. (Love your blog)
Best wishes
Thursa Wilde,

Mindy Tarquini said...

Oh dear.

Anonymous said...

Apologies - have just been realiably informed US is 5 hours BEHIND not ahead! Therefore I have naturally disqualified myself. Oh well, easy come easy go.

HON3Y BEE BUZZ said...

It is really big of you to do this contest considering the last Hook thingy that took you away from your Turkey dinner.


Anonymous said...

For the winner, would this be worth anything as a (minor) pub credit?

Alorinna said...

Silly question probably, but does "I'm" count as one or two words officially?

Matt said...

Is Dan Lazar aware that he is about to be immortalized thusly?

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

CURSE my blogarithm for not informing me in time of the Snark update!!!

And, interesting list of words--and interesting that Mr. Dan Lazar was the first agent who personally rejected me in the line of 150 agents.

He also reconsidered my query when I told him I made changes...

This is leading me to believe that:

A. Miss Snark is Dan Lazar.
B. Dan Lazar is George Clooney.

Bummed to have missed the contest!