4.22.2007

Eight million stories in the naked city

Dear Miss Snark,

I’ve been a practicing nudist for over 60 years. I wrote a book about my lifelong love of the nudism lifestyle when I turned 82, and the book is due for publication in the fall. My publisher wants me to go on a book tour, and I’m excited to do so. The only problem is that I never wear clothes, and so I’m a bit concerned my naked body might shock some of the more timid people in the bookstores. I can’t bring myself to put on a full set of clothes, even for a book signing.

Do you think I can get away with only wearing socks?


well, no. You also have to wear out your welcome.

37 comments:

LadyBronco said...

Uh...

Yeah.

ABBAGirl said...

spew!

please make that at least three socks, if necessary, at the very least.

Dave said...

I just have a teeny tiny impression that nudity would be great in a nudist colony (or nature preserve) but in my local B&N or Borders or any other bookstore in the city, they would appreciate pants, shirt and socks.

Anonymous said...

uh.....my agent once said that there were no more original ideas out there... I think she is wrong.

LOL... I think there are still original funny people. If this is a serious person, with a serious post.. Well God bless you and I will be happy to buy your book, just to go to a book signing with you in B&N in only your socks. And I will be more than happy to take a pic to send out to my good buddy the snarkster so KY can have something to look at!


I am also amused...

Anonymous said...

I don't care about your threads. I want to know if the book tells the naked truth or if it is filled with bare lies?

takoda said...

I want to believe this is a real email. It's wacky and fun! But truly, what does said author do for a living? Do you drive or take the subway? And groceries?

Surely, just as the 'dressed' among us get naked, the naked must also get dressed?

Thanks for the smile!

Cheers,

P.S. Michael, is that you?

froggy said...

Perhaps the author could contract NYC's very own Naked Cowboy to accompany the book tour.

Anonymous said...

Jeez, how hard you gotta practice just for takin' your clothes off?

Squarehead said...

I think I know this guy. He hung out under the 1st. Street overpass, near the cathedral. Yeah, we locked him up a couple times, for hangin' out.

benjamin russack said...

Wearing socks is a highly over-rated practice, especially in bookstores.

LouthMouth said...

No shoes, no socks, no Sharpie.

Anonymous said...

But, Miss Snark: I thought you told us you were never going to write a book?

Cynthia Bronco said...

Where was the beverage alert? I almost lost a keyboard :)

Anonymous said...

Alan, is that you?

Manic Mom said...

How do we know this is an author who needs the third sock? Hmmmm??

Anon--HILARIOUS with the naked truth and bare lies comment!

And Squarhead, I bet the dude was "HANGING" out, all over the place!

Good laugh! But I'm really not believing it. It would be a book I'd read though, however, hold the photography please!

Allen Parker said...

Come on people, nudists write. We sing, dance, and even have book signings. I have a nudist humor book at present. I dress in casual but comfortable clothes when at book signings, unless the signing is at a nudist resort. Then, when in Rome...

Dave Kuzminski said...

I've even visited Allen's resort. Nice place. Nice people. Better behaved than in most places.

fafee said...

Dear Miss Snark,

I'm sorry that so many of the people who write to you are such ingratiating shits.

Yours,
Fafee

resigned idealist said...

I sense the perfect marketing opportunity. Come hear the nudist read from his book, but don't see him, but he, in his full monty will be behind a curtain with just his face visible!

How he gets to the podium unseen, will be logistics worked out by each individual book store.

Dave said...

Good for you Allen. If I got naked at a book reading the people would run screaming and go blind.
;)

Anonymous said...

Fafee,

You're right of course. Anyway, I'm glad to see you're not ingratiating, at least.

Anonymous said...

Why assume this is a guy?

Anonymous said...

Would people please quit using the archaic term 'nudist colony' please? I've been a nudist for over forty years and none of us EVER call a nudist park a colony.
We're not colonist. And 80+ years old or whatever - the original post is ridiculous. Is he kidding?
Nudists wear clothes when they're not at the park. They hold down jobs, attend church, grocery shop.
That was ludicrous.

Dr. Dume said...

Hey, if you've been in that birthday suit for 82 years, it might need ironing before you wear it in public.

LadyBronco said...

We assume it's a guy, because most women would never be that obvious.

David said...

No shirt, no shorts
No signings.

Anonymous said...

The writing is...well...kind of as if written by a woman. And why all the fuss, anyway? All we Snarkies care about are the voice, the characters, the unique pics, the story lines. Right? Please tell me I'm right. If not, I might run down my street butt naked and screaming. gjb

kimstagliano said...

82 year old nudist? Why is it never a 28 year old Firefighter named Patrick McGrohan who wants to be the nudist? Why oh why? Reminds me of that old Depeche Mode song "I don't want to start any blasphemous rumors but I think that God's got a sick sense of humor." I might have to go rinse out my eyeballs from the visual you've created Miss Snark. So tell us, real email or fakey?

Judy Schneider said...

I'm thinking, this message is for real, and it isn't.

Support for authenticity of message: You can tell this person views clothing as foreign by the word choice. Who calls an outfit a "full set of clothes"?

Support against: Can the book's content only entail a "love of nudism"? It has to have more substance than that. What's going to be covered on page 2?

Demon Hunter said...

This is a joke, right? Because the last thing I want to see ANYWHERE is the sagging, liver-spotted ass of some 82-year-old guy...lol...

Dave said...

As for those who think "Nudist Colony" is archaic and dated speech...

Nature Preserve would be good if it didn't sound like orange marmalade.

Anonymous said...

My grandparents, pioneering health nuts, used to take me to nudist camps for summer vacations when I was seven-to-nine years old. Everybody wore sandals, and some men wore socks, usually black, with their sandals. _That_ was a fashion statement!

It was fun, and I am not scarred for life. Not about the human body, anyhow. After reading this post, I fully intend to do some book readings at my local nudist park. I'm thinking I'd better write a coffee-table size book.

ickygross said...

Anon - a pop up?

Ew.

Anonymous said...

Fafee, I don't know why you'd call this emailer an ingratiating shit. While I agree a huge proportion who write in are snarkophants, this person left off the bowing and scraping. It makes a nice change.

Please. The book might be real; the question's clearly a joke.

ORION said...

Depends on how high the socks are...

Nudist Parker said...

Honestly, those men with the black dress socks (some wore them with dress shoes instead of sandals) must have been at every nudist park in the country. I could never figure out what they were thinking. Almost everyone else wore flip-flops, sunglasses and sunscreen, sometimes a hat. If they played shuffleboard or volleyball, athletic shoes - but the black socks still baffle me.

LBG said...

How odd. I assumed it was a woman. Of course, I once interviewed Miss Nude Florida for a paper down there, and it was a blast. I am a bit suspicious about it being a real situation. As someone here already said, nudists dress to work, shop etc so unless this person is independently wealthy, it's a crackpot.