Snarkly Chronicles

Dateline: New York


(Dulcet tones of auto announcer in subway car) "This is the end of the line. All passengers must exit the train"

Disoriented woman looks up from novel, befuddled: WTF??? Where am I?

Impatient MTA conducter: Hey lady, get off the fucking train!

DW: Where am I?

MTA: Coney Island! Last stop. Get off the train.

DW (looking down at novel): But, but, I meant to get off at West 4th! In the 212! This! This is the 718, and damn near the 516!!

MTA: Lady, get OFF the train, it's the end of the line. This isn't West 4th Street. This is Coney Island.

DW: Oh my dear dog, I totally lost track of time.

MTA: Lady, I don't care, get off the train!

DW: wait wait, I'm on page 276, I'm almost done, I just need to finish....

MTA: Lady, I'm calling a cop if you don't get off the train this second.

DW: Look bub, if you had an ounce of brains, you'd realize that once I'm DONE with this book I don't need it any more, and I could give it to YOU to read.

MTA (looking skeptical) : What are you reading? Is it any good?

DW: This

MTA: Madam, please be seated. Can I get you a beverage?


Mindy Tarquini said...

*shakes head*

A tale too true, being repeated at the end of bus lines, on airplanes, at stop lights while drivers honk the horn behind you across the nation.

When will it end?

Outside observer: It won't end. This is the beginning. The real deluge starts August 2nd when EVERYBODY can get this novel.

LadyBronco said...




You are a lucky, lucky woman, Miss Snark.

Miss Snark said...

If I were a better person I'd run a writing contest and make this the prize.

Of course, I'm not nice so we don't have to worry about it.

(that cackle of evil laughter is KY agreeing)

Sam said...

I am so jealous - all these ARCs floating around, and Pat doesn't send one to France!

Put yours in a life-boat and toss it out to see with my address on it please, Miss Snark! The book looks wonderful, and Pat is such a sweetie!

Bernita said...

Give it away?
It's a keeper!

Richard Lewis said...

I can't wait to read it either--best part about this is it's written by a fellow sea dog.

Kim Rossi Stagliano said...

Coulda been worse! I forgot to feed my kids for three straight days while reading Lottery. Welcome to the club, Miss Snark. Hope you had GPS to get back to the 212. Even I, newbie extraordinaire can sniff a best seller when I read it. And because of my kids' situation, it affected me personally too. Slam dunk, Pat Wood. Slam dunk. Congrats. And - Pat is one of the most generous souls I've ever met. I wish her all the success in the world.

Kitty said...

Patricia Wood is the lucky one here.


Lisa Cohen said...

I'm so jealous! This looks like the kind of book I will totally love.


Heidi the Hick said...

I"m saving up my pennies now so I can buy it in August!

Anonymous said...

So what's the big deal? Why is everyone salivating over some book I've never heard of?

Kimber Li said...

Gee, I don't know what all those numbers mean (all Alaskans use dogsleds, yanno), but I'd know that book cover anywhere!!!

Bernita said...

"some book I've never heard of"
You will, Clueless, you will.

Anonymous said...

Coney Island? You should have stopped by, finished the book at my place, and then I could have gotten your copy.

Anonymous said...

Not that I am equating myself with that writer, but causing a slush pile reader to miss her subway stop home was how I got my first multi-book contract.

I tell neos "If you want to sell your book, make sure your words will distract a jaded and tired reader from a subway full of muggers."

Kate Thornton said...


You have an ARC of Lottery.

If I wasn't already prostrated with the chocolates, fan and gin pail, this alone would be good reason.

There's nothing like reading a good book, especially if you are trying to learn to write one.

Anonymous said...

obviously clueless, I share your befuddlement. I don't know who this is, or why anyone cares, but the plot seems like a cliche to me. "Forrest Gump" meets, well, every other story you've read about Joe Ordinary hitting the jackpot only to find (cue "Lost" music) that there's a price to even the most uncomplicated of windfalls...

But maybe it's all in the execution.

Kanani said...

That's wonderful!
My writing group is her first "beta group readers." Now isn't that nice? She and her publicist came up with that name. We feel like fish!

Question for the High Snarkness:
Once we read it, what do you think they want? A group opinion or individual ones or both?

Martha O'Connor said...

I LOVE this book!

Anonymous said...

obviously clueless and anonymus:


Copy that into your browser and click 'go'. Everything will make much more sense.

O. C., just because you haven't heard of it, doesn't mean its not great.

And Anonymus, for starters, it is all in the execution. And Pat is the most sincere person you will ever meet, guarenteed. You know what else? Everything does have its price, even the 'most uncomplicated of windfalls'.

And, if nothing else, both of you should realize that if MISS SNARK tells you its good, it probably is. That's why she's gettin' the big bucks to find bestsellers.

Anonymous said...

Well, obviously clueless and anon, if your book was featured on the front cover and leading pages of the Putman 2007 catalog, you'd understand.

And no, the Putman catalog aint' about mini-golf accessories.

Way to go, Pat! People at AW are thrilled for you. :D

Anonymous said...

This is one of those books you just keep hearing about all over the place and can't wait to read. It's contagious.

ORION said...

The 808 is six hours earlier than the 212.
I just got up.
Holy Debut Author Batman!
ARCs are the first opportunity to see how readers (and the industry) will respond to your book.
I am gratified.
I am overjoyed.
Some people will like it and be profoundly affected.
And some won't and consider it derivative.
That's the way of the world.
So, as my character Perry would say,
"That's Okay."

Anonymous said...

Whoa-hoooooo! Amazing how some people can't WAIT to shit on someone else's parade. Unreal. Kick ass and take names, Pat!

Anonymous said...

If I were a better person I'd run a writing contest and make this the prize.

I vote you send it on to the first client you signed this year.

Sandra Cormier said...

Congratulations, Orion! I remember that book cover well, and I can't wait to get a copy.

Anonymous said...

I am, right now, starting an SBS(Sanctioned by Snark) journal. I can't keep track of all these unbelievable, unavailable recommendations. Thanks!

Dan Leo said...

Miss Snark, you delightfully un-snarky creature, I think you've just sold about ten thousand copies of Ms. Wood's book. Good for her and good for you.

Tyhitia Green said...

Go, Pat. You got Snark-Clooneyness to read your book. How cool is that? I cannot wait to read LOTTERY, because, as you know, Pat, I work with the mentally challenged population and cannot wait to share this book with my cooworkers! :*)

Kate Thornton said...

PS: Pat Wood is a regular (under a username) at one of the writing forums to which I post. We have followed her progress and are now delighting in her (well-deserved) success.

If you just read the sample pages on her blogspot, you'll see why this is such a great book - it's all in the writing.

millhousethecat said...

I was one of the lucky ones to receive an ARC copy in the mail today for winning a contest over at Ms. Wood's lil' blog. I am ecstatic that I will be able to begin reading it this weekend.

Ironically enough, the contest was "the best comeback for those who say something less than gracious when they hear of your career or aspirations as a writer." My comeback (gleaned from my children) was the winner.

I think, Pat, it fits in this situation, too...

When I want your opinion, I'll squish your little head.

Rock on, Pat. Rock on.

Lisa McMann said...

Patricia, you rock!!

And hey -- you're at less than 100 days now. I'm still pacing with 311 days to go. :)

Miss Snark, I'd say you are a wonderful person to plug this book (I can't wait to read it), but instead, I'll call you evil for tempting us.

McKoala said...

'Holy Debut Author Batman!' The koala rolls on the floor with the giggles.

Congratulations! Looks like this is a stunner!

Kristy Kiernan said...

Thank goodness I didn't have this ARC until after I got home from my travels. I'd have missed my flight connections! Can't wait to dive in this weekend, Pat, and I might just buy some lottery tickets before I start. Looking forward to this debut as much as my fellow Debutantes' debuts!

Anonymous said...

(Reading the excerpt on Patricia's website...)

But...but...why did it stop?? I turned the page, and there was no more text. :(

Congratulations, Patricia!!

Mindy Tarquini said...

When I want your opinion, I'll squish your little head.

I'm embroidering that on a gin cozy.

Anonymous said...

As a displaced New Yorker, let it be said that you don't have to tell one of us the train ended up in Coney Island. The phrase "get off the fucking train" tells us the anecdote is set in New York.

Incidentally, when I lived in midtown Manhattan you could stay on the train forever. Lots of bums slept on the trains. The trains were noisy but a lot warmer than grates in the sidewalk.

Then the reform mayors came along and the Old New York we all loved so much became no more than a fond memory.

I wanted to go back until I found out Disney had opened an place in Times Square. Then I knew the City had died spiritually.

Anonymous said...

Miss Snark rides the B train! Me too! (You know, when I'm in the 212.) Now I'm going to get all weird and peeky every time I see a chic woman in stilettos reading an ARC. Or a manuscript. Can't be more than, what? Thirty, forty thou of those, right?

Elektra said...

Do anyone else just want to steal that cover art? Congrats again!!!

Mark said...

"And some won't and consider it derivative."

I dunno. Is it? Once it's sold it doesn't matter. Copies going to cash register do.

Anonymous said...

Oh come on...Coney Island is nowhere near 516.

Miss Snark said...

I'm pretty sure you can see the 516 from Coney Island.

Mia King said...

I have an ARC of LOTTERY and this is what happened to me (true story):

- Stayed up VERY late (3 am) reading a book that I probably shouldn't have started in the first place, given a very demanding schedule I was going to have the next day. At one point I was nursing my baby while reading with a flashlight.

- Finally had to go to sleep because (1) the flashlight ran out of battery, (2) I was trapped beneath a sleeping baby, and (3) I had to get up in 4 hours for a photo shoot.

- Got up in four hours for the photo shoot, took a shower, blow dried my hair while holding the hair dryer and brush in one hand and LOTTERY in the other.

- In the car to the photo shoot, with my nice clothes and make-up on, I finish reading LOTTERY. I actually had tears in my eyes and had to fan my eyes to keep from ruining my makeup.

- The result? Other than my husband ordering me NOT to cry (“You can cry all you want AFTER …”), I was in the best mood. THE BEST. Because LOTTERY is the goddamned best book (ode to Gram) I have read in years. LOTTERY (and Patricia Wood - if you haven't met her, you should) are the reason people read (and write).

Hope this clears up any misunderstanding or confusion surrounding Pat and her amazing novel, LOTTERY.

P.S. I'm assuming they treated Pat like a god when she went to NY. Aside from this book being honest-to-goodness bestseller material (you know you're in trouble when you're hooked by her "Letter to the Reader"), it’s going to make Penguin a lot of money. If they gave her an advance of $1m or less, they got off cheap.

P.P.S. I am never giving up my copy of LOTTERY.

Detail Muse said...

Nicely written, MS!

And the best part in all of this is sensing the author's joy in the journey: her every post is full of wonder and gratitude and presence.

Anonymous said...

I often miss my stop on the metro when I'm writing -- today again, in fact. Can't say it happens much (if at all) when I'm reading. I like the idea of it though. Must be a heck of a good read. Well done Pat Wood. And thanks, Miss Snark, for the tip off.

Anonymous said...

Don't waste your bookmarks on this one, Snarklings. You will not be putting LOTTERY down long enough to need a placeholder. And if you want to know how good this book is going to make you feel, go buy lunch for all your friends.

BELIEVE THE BUZZ. It's that good.

(But no, I'm not sharing, either!)